Boxing Day

I’d love to watch some boxing now and imagine that the bastards who woke me up at 9am were on the other end of some HaYmAkErS…..sadly not though…

WORLD IDOL was last night!!! What an amazing showcase of world musical talent! The atmosphere was electric and it was clear from their faces that the competitors were having an amazing time! Brilliant!!!

(That was a joke). The Poish girl was like some fucked up midget on mushrooms and the Polish judge was her dealer. It just seemed to get worse and worse before Will Young came on and everyone remembered that he was the gay one and not the good one. Bring back Lemar from Fame Academy!!!! He’d win these competitions easily (he’d at least have a 50:50 chance…)!!!

My dad and I did some crazy bonding last night over…yes…a jigsaw. Oh Christmas spirits strike me down!!! I mentioned the possibility just now of actually entering civilization and going to some shops today. Cue the chorus of ‘I hate Sales’. GGGGGGAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! I think it’s going to be another day of lying in my parents’ bed (my room has been overrun by old people) and watching Kim Bauer and her pops do their thing…oh yeah and I have crazy amount of Naruto to catch up on which Jme will kick my ass for if left unwatched (grammar check)…

OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDD….Microsoft Update is now running on this amazing tribute to antiquity (my parents’ computer)…It’s quoting 55 minutes to download 4.6mb of shitty patches. It JUST GETS WORSE!!!! On the positive side of life:

I FOUND TWO SERIES OF WEST WING ON NATASHA’S COMPUTER!!! WOOOO HOOO!!!! Happiness truly is a cigar called politics. West coast East side….

Christmas Day

WHY ARE YOU ONLINE YOU FUCKING GEEK!!!!! Well all of the members of my family are in ultra good moods right now – the post present glow of goodness. It’s nearly 11 which means that in about 2 hours the meal of my life will be unleashed unto us, belly’s gonna getcha……

On the subject of bellies, this computer SUCKS A$$!!!! I doesn’t even have a working MSN which means that I am trying to spin this writing out for as long as possible so that MSN downloads so that I can abuse people for being online on Christmas Day (muslims accepted) (and geeks) (respect).

Oh yeah Santa came in my chimney etc and he didn’t forget his wagon of presents. I now have enough sweets to kill a small hypoglaecemic (SPSPSPSPSPSPSP?!!!!???!!) army of no-sugar devils (perhaps not the most inspired choice of gift considering the retrograde state of my teeth and the almost immediate need of a visit to the local yom kippur dentist – whatever – and I also have some handkerchiefs. I’m almost LOOKING FORWARD to sneezing right now!!!! AAAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHHOOOO!!!! Holla!!!

Fuck me MSN takes ages to download…

Christmas News!!!!
No Mars signal from Beagle probe – Maybe it crashed into a reindeer. Or not.
Over 150 die in China gas blast – Happy Christmas.
Broadband so near yet so far – This guy is a big loser.

Nigerian 419ers surface in Baghdad – This is my bank account number: 47856423785207835

Christmas 2003

I promised myself I’d write more! What a liar! I don’t care…

Here’s the news in MTV generation sized pieces:

- Home
- Pub
- Drink
- Ill
- Paracetamol
- Grandparents
- 24
- Dinner (soon)

I hope you feel the love…Christmas greetings today go to – Palvi, Joyce Lee, The Crow Rosie Rose and Alexios the Greek fag (we love you really). Oh yeah and Tal – back from the brink (South America). Respect.

Web Traffic Guarantee

Yeah baby check out this crazy site:

Dalan.tk – This guy is proper DaRkSiDe (TM Jme’s family)

A Year Ago

Today my ex-girlfriend apologised for being nasty to me on Christmas Eve last year…That was nice of her…

Why don’t they say Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year?

I can hear the feeling of my stomach

But that aside – Last night was a CrAzY night – the office party started at 6pmish, and after playing this game where we all put a photo of ourselves as a baby and then had to guess everyone (except that I put a picture of a penguin in there and amazingly there were a number of people who didn’t realise it) we went to this French restaurant called Bar du March�. Nice. The menu:

Pat� de canard
STEAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Some shitty pudding

Oh yeah and because the board members were there:

WINE x lots

After we’d trimmed off the deadwood (the vast majority of the staff) the hardcore remained, and thus we headed off into London looking for some after hours drinking. We stumbled across a Sohoian place that was average,, but by then I was a bit wankered so I didn’t care one bit…Mojitoooooooooooooo x 2 later and it was my turn to go to the bar. There were two girls there, let’s listen in:

Girl 1: Hello
Me: Hi
Girl 2: Hello
Me: Hi
Girl 1: We went to dancing school
Me: Nice
Girl 2: I can put my leg above my head
Me: Do it
[Girl 2 puts her leg in a vertical line until her foot is above her head]
Me: *Faint*

2.30 this places shut but the sick bastards wanted to carry on – we were told of a bar in Chinatown called Bar 13 – as we arrived outside it there were police dragging one guy away – Let’s go!!! But it was �7 just for the honour of going in so fuck that, night bus home and 3 hours sleep.
I feel grrrrrreat.

Soham murder trial jury sent home – 3 days of deciding…I reckon there’s someone in there who doesn’t agree with the rest (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 or 10 or 11 (oh wait, but 11 would be one…oh shit i’m confzd now)
PSX rolls out in Japan, but analysts disappointed – Yeah but it’s fuckin cool.
Toshiba preps sub-1in HDD – You must see this hard disk it’s tiny (geeks only)

The official Counter Strike website – If you want to upgrade your RETAIL version of CS to 1.5 so that you can use it on your sexy computer and play on warwick server woooo hoooo etc etc then go here…

Stuff

How come when you don’t want to sleep you’re so tired and when you want to sleep you are wide awake? I’m such a great philosopher. Anyway…

A snapshot of 2002 – ‘Googlism’? WTF?
Hunting Vote Sparks Angry Scenes – 8 pro-hunt campaigners arrested. Now just shoot them and I’ll be happy :D
ITC finds evidence of Korean DRAM subsidies – This and the Bond shit…tough week for North *and* South…
Anna Nicole Smith – Acting skill…
YaoMingMania.com – Need I say more?

Quotation – “In ancient Chinese culture, there was always a celebration at the time when the fields were first sown, a prayer that the crops would grow. Today, the tradition continues among people who do farming. There are other times when all of us stop to give thanks for what we have.” – Yao Ming talking about Thanksgiving…the special time of the year when English people, scared that their children might become too ‘Dutch‘, went to America and FUCKIN TOOK OVER BABY!!! WOOOOOO!!!! (sorry).

University students paid to test condoms – You can’t still sign up I’ve already checked!

Remember

Remember the saying – “Sometimes you just can’t escape the fact that you’re a twat” ™.
Oh yeah and “Cut off your grapes to spite your fruitbowl”. Don’t use that one around grandparents….

Bling Bling

I just got paiddddd (say what say what say what) it’s Friday night (say what say what say what) sittin’ on chrome (say what say what say what) feelin’ alrightttt….