“If I were Prime Minister I would ——-“

If I were Prime Minister, by Yaagi Paagi

There are many things which I would do if I were Prime Minister. These can be divided into two main categories, what I would like to maintain and what I would like to change.

One of the largest mistakes of Prime Ministers of the past has been to try to make too many changes too quickly. I would certainly resist making this sort of mistake, and so the first thing I would do when I took office would be to analyse what is working well in the country, and make sure that this remains untouched. Examples of services I would look into are the National Health Service (NHS) and the education system – two of the real pillars of society.

The minimum wage is one of the most important economic instruments available to a country, and if I were Prime Minister I would make a pledge to safeguard it against change by opposition parties. One advantage of the minimum wage is that it forces companies to pay their workers more, which in turn raises their quality of life and their overall ‘happiness’. Before the minimum wage was introduced, business leaders claimed that its introduction would lead to job cuts (as companies would not be able to afford to pay the wages), but that has not happened, indeed the increased productivity by these workers has created a thriving economy.

The final element of my role as Prime Minisiter which I would maintain would be the special relationship between the UK and USA. Although the world press may view the UK as America’s lap-dog, the special relationship between the two countries is extremely important on a political, economic and social level. Building on this existing framework and making the most of opportunities as they arise would be a key part of my term in office. This is not to say, however, that I would follow the USA blindly – quite the opposite – in fact I would attempt to use my influence in the White House to shape some of the US’s foreign policy, including the gradual reduction of troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and a handover of power to native forces.

The most important thing I would focus on changing is the government’s stance on the environment, and more specifically, making sure that climate change is put back onto the political agenda. The growing problem of pollution and waste in society is the major threat to our long term future and needs to be addressed quickly and decisively. I would make sure there was a vote in pariliament to stop harmful carbon emissions from factories, and also increase penalties and fines on cars who use petrol and diesel.

Another large scale change which I would campaign for is to make the UK join the European financial system of the Euro. It seems to me that further integration between neighbouring countries is a big step towards securing a global peace and acceptance between different people, cultures and religions. The system seems to be working extremely well in mainland Europe, in countries like France and Italy, and I hope that the same sort of success will translate well to the UK.

The last thing I would do, which is slightly self-indulgent, would be to go and watch Chelsea play football against Liverpool at Stamford Bridge. What would make it different from the usual VIP trips to sporting events, however, would be that I would sit in the stand with the normal fans to show the public that I was a ‘man of the people’.

Birthday photos lala

Kazoooweee

Vietnam to offer ‘healthy sex’ website – Sign me up!

Implantable contraceptive for women approved in US – BUT IT DOESN’T STOP AIDS

Bill Gates commits $287m to search for AIDS vaccine – BUT THIS DOES! (Well it might one day)

Bush Gropes Germany’s Merkel – Hottieeeeeee

Global Goonzu – Free MMORPG that looks like madness! Now available in Engrish.

Hottest day of the year

“Doogie Howser, MD” (1989)
Neil Patrick Harris – He must have been really depressed when Doogie Howser finished…although he did make it into Quantum Leap and The Outer Limits which would have put a few crumbs on the table…

Many cereals are ‘high in sugar’ – Some breakfast cereals contain as much fat as a bacon roll – Then just eat a bacon roll, they’re 10x nicer than crappy Frosties.

Europe’s first addiction clinic for video gamers opens – Epix holidayz

Outrage at racist ringtone in SA

September launch for 103-inch TV – I’ve got something that’s 103 inches >:) …..no wait…millimetres…

Garage door remote triggers man’s erection – Turkish implant goes horribly…right?

World Cup streaming fails to score – Turns out that no one was interested in watching footy online. Well, one in 10 was interested, and he’d only got lost when Googling that rude film with Lea off Big Brother in it. – Guilty…

Nazi Goth Asian Midgets – For our friend in Taiwan

Breakdancing Baby – Baby got back? (sorry)

How to catch a train

Step 3
Look at the Departures board and locate your journey information. The Departures board will tell you which platform your train will be leaving from, as well as other information about the trip (ie, where the buffet car is situated, how many minutes late or early the service is running).

Step 4
Follow the instructions on the departures board which relate to your journey. These will usually be either “Board your train” or “Wait”.

Step 5
Board your train, find your reserved seat (Coach letter and seat number should be printed on your ticket), purchase a large Gin and Tonic from the appropriate staff member and relax – you’ve made it!

Author’s note I decided to write these guidelines for people who have problems catching trains. These people are often ignored by or segregated from society – and their cause is one which must not be swept under the carpet. We can not turn our faces away from this problem, because if nobody sticks up for society’s chumps…who will stick up for us when *we* are society’s chumps?

Rain!

Post worker caught with thousands of letters – “The postal worker faces disciplinary action.” – So what is their job then?

Spitting lands policeman in hot water – Boiled alive.

Zidane headbutt outrage: new video evidence – If you see one thing today, make it this!

Nintendo Wii to ship in UK on 15 October? – Mais oui.

Beer gut bill tops four figures – “The average British male spends £1,144 per year cultivating his beer gut, research shows. “ – Well I never wanted to be average…

Ghost in the Shell SAC 2nd GIG: Tachikoma 1/24 Model Kit – An unpainted scale PVC figure of Kusanagi Motoko is included.

Yahoo, Microsoft Test IM Interoperability – Cool!

Nikki remains favourite for BB eviction – Cool!

Don’t rely on homeopathy to beat malaria, doctors warn – Nor God, I think they forgot to mention

Hiding a giant

Rhyno to sue France?

Rhyno, who was appearing in the match for the Italian national side, looked furious when he saw Zinedine Zidane, the self-styled father time, use his patented ‘gore’ move on Marco Materazzi during extra time in the last match of the 2006 tournament.

Although France went on to lose the match, when the final whistle blew Rhyno (seen above executing the gore on Jeff Jarrett) fumed: “That eagle headed b**** stole my move, plain and simple. I want him in a last-man-standing cage match, at Wrestlemania, and I want his title on the line. What he did was unprofessional and arrogant, not to mention badly timed – everyone know you have to pin the man after the gore, not walk away”.

Zidane was not available for comment, but his agent issued the following statement: “In 1943, Zinedine Zidane led the French resistance to victory against the occupying forces. When the seagulls follow the trawler, looking for food, sometimes they eat brie. Let us eat cake.”ENDS

Weekender

Google Sued for Allegedly Profiting from Kiddy Porn – Goo goo?

Explorer helped by Chelsea boss – Sturton (as in Sturton le Steeple) means Roman road…

Filipinas aim for breast-fed best – 3,000 topless filipinas and not a hard-on in sight

Full-up Google choking on web spam? – It wasn’t me I swear :x

Sony to ship 50GB Blu-ray recordables in June – $48 minimum

Windows XP EULA in Plain English

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion – Review at Gamepro.com – 5.0/5.0

War Rock – Free to play massively multiplayer online FPS (that’s a mouthful)

FREE to PLAY Ancient Oriental 3D MMORPG – Martial Heroes – Wind Simitar – It has an artificial scratch to increase power and its unique manufacturing process is not easy for any smith. But it is not so effective. – Well it’s better than my Korean…just…