Kazoooweee

Show me the monkey!Stolen monkey found with children – A member of the public found him playing with children in Clapham on Wednesday and handed him in safely to police in Brixton, officers said. – Good job he wasn’t in Stockwell, could have been shot indafaceeeeee…Bed sharing ‘drains men’s brains’ – Sadly I still have no excuse…

Vietnam to offer ‘healthy sex’ website – Sign me up!

Implantable contraceptive for women approved in US – BUT IT DOESN’T STOP AIDS

Bill Gates commits $287m to search for AIDS vaccine – BUT THIS DOES! (Well it might one day)

Bush Gropes Germany’s Merkel – Hottieeeeeee

Global Goonzu – Free MMORPG that looks like madness! Now available in Engrish.

Hottest day of the year

Open Championship starts tomorrow!Today is meant to be the hottest day of the year, with temperatures reaching 36 degrees celsius. With this in mind, check out this hot joke:A man goes into a café and says “Garcon! One cup of coffee please! No sugar! No cream!”.
The waiter scuttles away, and comes back 30 seconds later emptyhanded: “Sorry Sir, we have run out of cream, would no milk do instead?”

“Doogie Howser, MD” (1989)
Neil Patrick Harris – He must have been really depressed when Doogie Howser finished…although he did make it into Quantum Leap and The Outer Limits which would have put a few crumbs on the table…

Many cereals are ‘high in sugar’ – Some breakfast cereals contain as much fat as a bacon roll – Then just eat a bacon roll, they’re 10x nicer than crappy Frosties.

Europe’s first addiction clinic for video gamers opens – Epix holidayz

Outrage at racist ringtone in SA

September launch for 103-inch TV – I’ve got something that’s 103 inches >:) …..no wait…millimetres…

Garage door remote triggers man’s erection – Turkish implant goes horribly…right?

World Cup streaming fails to score – Turns out that no one was interested in watching footy online. Well, one in 10 was interested, and he’d only got lost when Googling that rude film with Lea off Big Brother in it. – Guilty…

Nazi Goth Asian Midgets – For our friend in Taiwan

Breakdancing Baby – Baby got back? (sorry)

How to catch a train

Step 1
Arrive at your departure station approximately 15 minutes before your scheduled departure time. To find out your departure station, ask yourself Where am I now?.Step 2
Buy your ticket from ticket office or ticket machine. If you have purchased your tickets online, pick them up from a FastTicket ™ or similar machine (these will be positioned in or near the ticket office).

Step 3
Look at the Departures board and locate your journey information. The Departures board will tell you which platform your train will be leaving from, as well as other information about the trip (ie, where the buffet car is situated, how many minutes late or early the service is running).

Step 4
Follow the instructions on the departures board which relate to your journey. These will usually be either “Board your train” or “Wait”.

Step 5
Board your train, find your reserved seat (Coach letter and seat number should be printed on your ticket), purchase a large Gin and Tonic from the appropriate staff member and relax – you’ve made it!

Author’s note I decided to write these guidelines for people who have problems catching trains. These people are often ignored by or segregated from society – and their cause is one which must not be swept under the carpet. We can not turn our faces away from this problem, because if nobody sticks up for society’s chumps…who will stick up for us when *we* are society’s chumps?

Rain!

As the roof fell in in my office, I decided to check the interweb for news…what a treat!

Post worker caught with thousands of letters – “The postal worker faces disciplinary action.” – So what is their job then?

Spitting lands policeman in hot water – Boiled alive.

Zidane headbutt outrage: new video evidence – If you see one thing today, make it this!

Nintendo Wii to ship in UK on 15 October? – Mais oui.

Beer gut bill tops four figures – “The average British male spends £1,144 per year cultivating his beer gut, research shows. “ – Well I never wanted to be average…

Ghost in the Shell SAC 2nd GIG: Tachikoma 1/24 Model Kit – An unpainted scale PVC figure of Kusanagi Motoko is included.

Yahoo, Microsoft Test IM Interoperability – Cool!

Nikki remains favourite for BB eviction – Cool!

Don’t rely on homeopathy to beat malaria, doctors warn – Nor God, I think they forgot to mention

Hiding a giant

It’s harder than you think to fit three people into a photo booth when two are taller than 6’5″…it’s even harder to make one disappear in nearly all the pictures….

Rhyno to sue France?

Gore! Gore! Gore!STAMFORD, CT – 10th July 2006 World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) superstar Rhyno is set to sue the Football Association of France (FFA) over unapproved use of his signature finishing move during a FIFA World Cup match in Berlin, Germany this weekend.

Rhyno, who was appearing in the match for the Italian national side, looked furious when he saw Zinedine Zidane, the self-styled father time, use his patented ‘gore’ move on Marco Materazzi during extra time in the last match of the 2006 tournament.

Although France went on to Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise the match, when the final whistle blew Rhyno (seen above executing the gore on Jeff Jarrett) fumed: “That eagle headed b**** stole my move, plain and simple. I want him in a last-man-standing cage match, at Wrestlemania, and I want his title on the line. What he did was unprofessional and arrogant, not to mention badly timed – everyone know you have to pin the man after the gore, not walk away”.

Zidane was not available for comment, but his agent issued the following statement: “In 1943, Zinedine Zidane led the French resistance to victory against the occupying forces. When the seagulls follow the trawler, looking for food, sometimes they eat brie. Let us eat cake.”ENDS