After working as the ‘IT guy’ at a company for 5 years, I’ve seen a lot of spam. Whenever I opened up my inbox I would be confronted with maybe 20 messages, with the usual V1@GRA titles (or some funnier ones, like ‘my SPERM volume has TRIPLED since taking this CUMpills‘ – I wasn’t aware that people felt like low sperm volume was a self-confidence issue)..anyway…

Some people get mad at spam…they get tricked into clicking on links, installing viruses and spyware, have their bank info hacked and generally screw up their computers. I don’t. I can spot spam. I know the difference between an email from Paypal and an email from P@yp@l. Well at least I thought I did…

Last night, 5am, this message is sitting in my Gmail inbox:

You are not my Hero.
Click to read!

So do I know someone called lucy marjory? No.

Is my name jkoptie? No.

Do I even watch Heroes? Not since I found out the Cheerleader wasn’t going to get naked.

So why the filter did I click on the link in the email?! Well, two reasons. Firstly, I was hammer-drunk. Not an excuse, but a mitigating factor. Secondly, CURIOSITY! I like to watch ‘underground’ videos (not THOSE SORT OF VIDEOS)…like alternate endings to films (I am Legend)…stuff banned from TV (Jerry Springer ‘I married a horse’ anyone?)…and of course – celebrity sex tapes (ok that is THAT SORT OF VIDEO, but it’s Paris!).

But sadly, curiosity killed the cat…and the link in the email lead to a lot of pussy (I didn’t check if it was dead) and nothing to do with blogs or Heroes. I was devastated. My spamrogance(tm) blinded me to the obvious hallmarks of a fake email. I’m big enough to admit it, because I don’t want anyone else to fall like I did.

My advice – If you think you’ll never be tricked into clicking on a spam link, you’re wrong. If you feel stupid when you ask your nerdy friend for advice about whether your bank REALLY needs you to reconfirm your address, don’t worry – you’re just watching your back and being responsible. Good for you.

Oh yeah, and don’t check your email when drunk…or you might end up with three litres of $3/\/\3/\/ in the post. Try explaining that to your girlfriend.

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