Oli's Shanghai Blog

Many people buy McDonald’s (should that be McDonald’s’s?) delicious food when their blood alcohol content is around 0.65, but the next day are left with the sneaky ‘extra’ cheesburger (the one that you eyes wanted but your belly couldn’t take) left sitting confined in its brown paper cell.

Today, I’m going to let you into a secret, previously hidden in the world of professional chefs, which will let you take that drab, limp, lifeless bread and beef patty combo and turn it into the hangover meal that it always dreamed of being!

Recipe – McDonald’s’s’s Cheesburger

Ingredients
1 McDonald’s cheesburger (14-20hrs old)
1 Foreman Grill

Directions

First locate your burger. If you can’t find it, it’s probably underneath the beer cans on your coffee table. If not there, check the bin (it’s easy to throw single burgers away when cleaning up after a McDo binge).

Now prepare your burger for cooking. Be careful to remove all paper packaging BEFORE cooking, as this can seriously affect the taste of the burger (and it can also turn your kitchen into the set of Backdraft).

Now preheat your grill by plugging it in and shutting the lid. Foreman experts will know that there is no temperature setting on this, the red model, and so just wait until the little orange light turns off (DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP).

This step is optional, but I always like to test the temperature of the grill by placing the tip of my tongue on the grill lid and holding it there for around 6-9 seconds. If you can smell the feint odor of burning hair or skin, the grill is ready to go!

Now place your prepared burger on your heated Foreman grill. It should be as central as possible (to take advantage of the vertical grill-lines) and attempt to position the cheese corners so that they point to around 5:20 (am or pm).

Using the handle of the grill, compact the burger from a top to bottom (12 to 6, North to South, Up to Down, There to Here) manner. Make the grill earn its corn, but don’t squash it down too hard, or you will end up with a McSmoothie.

After roughly 4 minutes and 17 seconds, remove the burger from the grill (remembering to lift the lid first!). Repeat from Step 5 if required. Serve on a fresh piece of kitchen roll and don’t forget – throw out that skanky pickled gherkin before taking a bite!

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