Joke: A blonde and a brunette fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?
Answer: The brunette, the blonde got lost on the way.

So while Queen Cheesie from Cheeserland.com was in Shanghai, we decided to visit Shanghai zoo. In solidarity with the lions and giraffes, she also decided to go blonde. That had its advantages – (she looked great, we (she) got asked for our (her) autograph(s)) and its disadvantages – she instantly became terrible at both remembering directions and basic decision making.

This is a vulture. It’s about as big as me, but can fly. That makes me feel a bit inadequate, but then I just taunted him with the fact that he lives in a cage and I don’t.

This is a red panda. They’re small, like 6 year old kid size. Or 4 year old kid. And if you put a cape over its eyes and cut eye holes, you’ve got an EWOK!

The DA XIONG MAO aka GIANT PANDA! They were pretty uninspiring (lazy, stupid animals that they are), but I was quite interested in the sign next to the enclosure: ‘No Flaping Glass’. Nearest action that I think you shouldn’t be doing near the glass is fapping, but i’m pretty sure nobody would put their piece near these fatboys unless they wanted it chewed off (come to think of it…).

TIGER UPPERCUT!

Niu Nai was well up for striding over and starting a fight, until he realised that his stride is about 3cm and he’d never be able to get out again.

What’s more happierer than a pig in shit? Two pigs in shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

I heard this is a Malaysian bear! Lazy thing! Stop playing dead! Get up!

PLEASE DO NOT SKIN LEOPARD (I can feel like I’m going to regret mentioning that)…

Joke: How do you make a cat go WOOF?
Answer: Put it in a fire.

WOOF! WOOF! Say WOOF you dumb dog.

It’s a zebra, it looks like a painted horse. Actually, it’s China…it could be a painted horse.

Hey look it’s pedo-giraffe! STOP KISSING YOUR DAUGHTER WEIRDO!

I am officially taller than a giraffe. Make of that what you will.

Fat, dirty, trunk like BLAMMO…Elephants rule.

LUNCHTIME! What better to have when surrounded by animals but…animals! On sticks! Yummy here’s a duck! Looks great!

Ok actually it looks rough as hell.

Ringo didn’t seem to fancy it right away…but she soon tucked in YOU MARK MY WORDS

In the wild, animals have to survive by the code of the jungle. Kill or be killed. With that in mind, we fed a chicken drumstick to this lamb.

The word for pig in Mandarin is ‘zhu’ (pronounced ‘Jew’). I can’t think of anything amusing about this.

Niu Nai’s favourite part of the trip…Rabbit world!

It looks just like the penguin enclosure in the (nearly) Oscar winning movie – Good Luck Chuck!

Jump in boys! The water’s hot! No seriously. Jump in or it’s the stick.

And finally…what trip to the zoo is complete without a wedding? Answer: most.

Which animal is YOUR favourite?! TELL ME OR I KILL A PUPPY!

One Comment


  1. the dook looks malnourished. i’d rather eat oli.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>