My tragic dinner (我的悲惨的晚餐)

There is a little Chinese restaurant opposite my compound, on Feng Yang road. I call it a restaurant, but that is probably slightly inflating its image – it only has about 10 seats inside it and is always full of people eating soup and meat/rice dishes.

在凤阳路上，我家对面有一个很小的中国饭馆。我叫它饭馆，但是这么叫可能有点夸大了它的形象-里面就10个位子而且总是坐满了喝汤和吃饭的人。

Ok, so basically I had always wanted to go in to try the food, but was intimidated by it. I know it sounds strange, but it’s simple really – the place was too Chinese for me.

好，所以基本上我总是想强迫自己进去试一下里面的食物，这么说可能有点奇怪，其实原因很简单-这个地方对我来说太中国了。

The menu is all in Chinese, the writing in the window is all in Chinese and its clientelle is exclusively….Chinese. The staff speak Chinese…and even though I’ve been in Shanghai for nearly a year, I still don’t want to put myself into the potentially humiliating position of stumbling through some amateurish Chinese, not being understood AND perhaps worst – being overheard by everyone in there doing it.

菜单都是中文的，玻璃窗上写的都是中文，而且客人也都是…中国人。服务员说中文…即使我到上海快一年了，可是我还是不想因为自己不熟练的中文而受到屈辱，可能是不被理解甚至更糟-每个人都会偷听我说的话。

Until tonight.

直到那晚。

The reason was not, sadly, that I have turned over a new leaf of positivity and confidence…but that a couple of days ago a friend had given me some pointers…and she had told me exactly what dish to ask for: yu xiang rou si. How hard could it be?

可悲的是，不是因为我已经翻开了新的一页充满自信了…而是几天前我的朋友给了我一些指示—她确切地告诉我要点哪个菜：鱼香肉丝。这能有多难？

So I made up my mind, and all the way back home on the underground today I was muttering to myself: yu xiang rou si yu xiang rou si yu xiang rou si yu xiang rou si…I was primed and ready to face my demons (and get a great, cheap dinner in the bargain).

所以我下了决心，在今天回家路上的地铁里，我不停地嘀咕：鱼香肉丝鱼香肉丝鱼香肉丝鱼香肉丝鱼香肉丝鱼香肉丝…我已经准备好去面对魔鬼了（并且得到价廉物美的东西）。

In I go…up to the woman at the counter. The place is full (seven people), but I’m confident. Here I go:

我进去…朝柜台那边的女人走去。那个地方已经坐满了（7个人），可是我很有信心。我说：

Me: Yu xiang rou si please!
我：鱼香肉丝，谢谢
Her: Sorry! We don’t have any yu xiang rou si.
她：不好意思！我们没有鱼香肉丝。
Me: …………
我：……
Her: We have these dishes. (Points to dishes)
她：我们有这些菜（指着菜）。
Me: Errrrrrr…what is this meat? (points at one of the dishes)
我：阿……这是什么肉？（指着一个菜）
Her: This is ************** meat
她：这是……肉
Me: Ok! I’ll take it.
我：好的！我要这个。

I didn’t understand what she said (it wasn’t beef, pork, chicken, fish or dog), but to be honest she could have said “satan’s own sperm” and I would have bought it just to end the transaction.

我不知道她说了什么（不是牛肉，猪肉，鸡肉，鱼肉或者狗肉），事实上她说的可能是‘撒旦的精子’而我买它就是为了结束这笔交易。

I waited five minutes and picked up my food. Slowly I walked back to my flat with a bag full of something that I had no idea about, and I realised that China could still kick my ass whenever it wanted. What had started so well ended in what felt like a moral defeat.

我等了5分钟，拿到了我的食物。我慢慢带着这包我不知道是什么的东西走回家，我突然意识到中国可以随时踹我一脚，只要她想。开始得那么好，结果却让我受到了精神的挫败。

Next time though…next time…

下次吧……下次……

China continues to sell dangerous toys to children (中国一直都在出售危险的玩具给孩子)

Terrible.
太可怕了.

Crazy HK woman at airport (video) (香港大妈在机场发神经病)

Just in case you haven’t seen this yet, watch Fiona’s mum go bananas in an airport after she missed her flight!

过来欣赏 fiona 的妈妈在香港机场因为错过了她的航班而发神经病的录像!

I don’t want much in a language school (在选择语言学校的时候，我要求不高)

However, I’d probably like one that can spell its own name…

但怎么说也得找个能拼写自己名字的老师吧。。。

McDreamy and McNuke (梦幻先生和核武器先生)

Oytun pointed out something quite shocking to me. McDreamy aka Patrick Dempsey (Doctor Derek Shepherd from Grey’s Anatomy) has infilitrated Iran and is now controlling their nuclear arsenal under the guise of Mahmūd Ahmadinejād. More news as we get it…..

Oytun指出了一些让我震惊的东西。McDreamy aka Patrick Dempsey （实习医生格蕾里的Derek Shepherd医生）已经渗入到伊拉克并且以Mahmūd Ahmadinejād为幌子现在正在控制他们的核武器。 如果我们得到更多信息。。。

Complete the sentence… (完成句子…)

Complete the following sentences with answers relevant to your life. This is an extremely scientific, psychological test which can find out whether you’re going to be a serial killer or not (within a 7 year window). Don’t cheat, don’t think too much, just answer! GO!

请联系你的生活,回答并完成以下句子.
这是一个非常科学的心理测试,可以判断出你会不会是一个杀人狂.
不许作弊,别想太多,只要回答!开始!

1) If it doesn’t fit… (如果不适合…)

2) If it’s itchy… (如果很痒…)

3) If I can’t see you… (如果我看不到你…)

4) Ice-cream is for… (冰激淋是用来…)

5) I’m not a player… (我不是个很随便的人…)

I’ll start… (check ‘Comments’, then add your own!)
我开始…(看’评论’,添加你自己的!)

2009 Chinese New Year Fireworks in Shanghai, China (2009年春节烟火，上海中国)

On the eve of Chinese New Year, when I wasn’t marvelling at China’s menu system, I was lucky enough to watch 10 minutes of INTENSE fireworks, in a small street just off People’s Square (I think it was Fuzhou Lu but I’m not 100% sure).

春节的除夕，当我不再对中国的菜单感到惊讶，我很幸运地在人民广场那的一条小马路（我觉得应该是福州路，但是我不是百分之百确定），看了10分钟非常棒的烟火！！

Here’s the video. DO NOT WATCH IT IF YOU DON’T LIKE FIREWORKS! THERE ARE A LOT IN THIS VIDEO! (Oh, and don’t watch it with cats either. Cats get very scared of fireworks.)

这里是录象。如果你不喜欢烟火你就不要看！因为在录象里有很多很多！（噢，也不要跟猫咪一起看。猫咪会吓到的。）

Funniest restaurant menu ever (Part 2) （有史以来最有趣的餐厅菜单(第二篇) ）

Here’s the second part of the Chinglish disaster that is the menu that we ordered from on Chinese New Year…enjoy!

这是春节时候我们点菜看到菜单中的中式英语的第二部分…慢慢享受!

Ok this first one isn’t technically Chinglish, I just wanted to show you it because it’s funny!

学术上讲,第一部分不是那么中式英语,我给你们看是因为它很有趣!

Ok I can’t choose between these two…they’re BOTH my favourite! IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?! Anything is possible! It’s China baby!

我无法在这两个中间做选择…他们都是我的最爱!有可能吗?一切皆有可能!这是中国宝贝!