Who wants to be a Millionaire (China Version) (谁要成为百万富翁（中国版）)

After arriving in Shanghai more than a year ago, I was quite frightened by the cash-machines. I remember one evening, while walking in the French Concession we stumbled upon a small, local bank. I stuck my card in quickly (we’d been searching for what seemed like hours for a place to get some beer-vouchers), keyed in the amount I need (2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000rmb) and collected my money…

在到上海的一年多以前，我很怕用提款机。我记得有一个晚上，我在法租界散步的时候，偶然发现一个很小的，本地的银行。我很快放进我的卡（为了拿钱我们找了好久了），输入我要拿的金额（2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000元）然后提钱…

…wait…wtf…erm…no PIN?!

…等等…什么…呃…没有密码？！

In China, anything is possible!

在中国，一切皆有可能！

Nowadays, however, most of the banks now are pretty standard – although I’ve noticed that every bank’s UI (User Interface) is different. I really don’t understand why banks across the world haven’t worked together to build the ‘perfect’ UI – the ‘Nokia 3210′ of Bank UIs – and put them as standard in every machine in the globe.

然而现在，大部分的银行都相当有标准-虽然我意识到每个银行的UI（使用界面）都不一样。我真的不明白为什么世界性的银行不一起做一个‘完美’的使用界面-‘诺基亚3210’银行使用界面-然后在全球让他们在每个机器标准化。

Not only would it make sense, it would stop certain banks from trying to make their screens look like the ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ quiz machine, like this one:

这样不仅更合理，而且不会让人觉得某些银行的显示看起来好像是‘谁想成为百万富翁’的问答游戏机界面，就像这个：

Unfortunately, the software development didn’t stretch as far as a proof-reader. It doesn’t really inspire a huge amount of trust in the safety of your money…

不幸的是，这个软件发展得没有像校正员那么好。这样真的没能增加对于你的钱的安全性的信任。

…maybe they still have time to phone a friend?

…也许他们还有时间打电话给一个朋友？

Annoying Shanghai Habits #1 (in a series of 42,000) (我讨厌的上海习惯之一（42，000里的一个）)

What is wrong with this scene?

这个画面有什么不对吗？

Got it yet?

知道了吗？

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Still looking?

还在看？

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Don’t cheat…think about it!

不能作弊…再想想！

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Ok, I will tell you…

好吧，我来告诉你…

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Yes, you got it – WHY THE HELL DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE AN UMBRELLA WHEN IT’S NOT RAINING?!

对，你说对了-为什么这个女人在不是下雨的天气打伞？

Ah yes, of course, cultural barrier #6817681 – Chinese people think being pastey as a milk bottle is some sort of status symbol (and you people asked me why I chose to come here?!).

哦~对，当然，文化差异第6817681条-中国人认为苍白得像牛奶一样是一种社会地位的标志（然后你们会问我为什么选择来这里？！）

But that’s not all…not only is she under and umbrella, she’s also UNDER THE BUS SHELTER!

可是根本不是…她不只是在伞下，她还坐在车站的候车亭！

I have learned to live with the folly of trying to stay pale…but c’mon…if the sun’s strong enough to go through three inches of steel, it’s sure as hell strong enough to go through your 10rmb parasol…

我已经学会了和这些死命要变白的傻瓜生活了…可是拜托…如果太阳大到足够穿过3英寸的钢材，毫无疑问能穿过这10块钱的阳伞…

…or is it?

…不是吗？

OMFG Party

It’s the OMFG party at our place. The video you see is LIVE! Everyone’s e-invited! You can chat live with people at the party by typing in the chat window below. Enjoy!

Shanghai blog (上海博客)

It’s been a while since I started my Shanghai blog, and I’m amazed every day at how many people like to read the crap that I write (in English AND Chinese!). Blogs about Shanghai are often populated with middle-aged, white, China-loving pseudo-nerds, and I’m glad that I’m breaking some of those stereotypes with this site (I plan to die when I’m 273 years old, so technically I won’t be middle-aged for another 63 years).

我开始写上海博客也有一段时间了,我很惊讶每天有那么多人喜欢读这些我写的垃圾(英文和中文的!). 博客内容通常都是关于在上海的中年人,白领,喜欢上海的伪君子,而且我很开心通过这个网站我打破了一些成见(我打算在273岁的时候死,所以这样来说的话再过63年以后我还是到不了中年).

In honour of several special things that happened today (in history)…

为纪念一些特殊的发生在今天的事情(历史上的)…

2008 Radovan Karadzic arrested for war crimes after a 12 year manhunt

2008年卡拉季奇在被追捕12年后以战争犯罪被逮捕。

1978 World’s strongest dog, 80-kg St. Bernard, pulls 2909-kg load 27 m

1978年 世界上最强壮的狗,80公斤的圣伯纳德狗,拉了2909公斤的东西27米

365 Alexandria hit by Earthquake; about 50,000 die

365年 亚历山大港地震,死亡人数将近 50,000

…I thought I’d put some kickass pics on the blog of the roof of URBN hotel, Shanghai.

…我想我应该放些在上海城市酒店顶楼拍的很牛的照片在我的博客上.

I promise, no photoshop!

我发誓，没有PS。

New Shanghai brothel (新上海妓院)

After uncovering the Shanghai Male Escort Service, I was even more shocked to find that a new brothel has recently opened right next to Hongkou Football stadium in Shanghai. I would never have known, but the shameless owner decided to give out namecards on the street!

在暴光上海男陪服务以后,最近我更惊讶地发现了一个开在虹口足球场附近的新的妓院。 我并不想知道的，但是无耻的业主在街上到处发名片!

I decided to check the info, and sure enough…the title of the filthy establishment was right there for all to see!

我决定看一下上面的信息，然后足够的确信了…那个肮脏的机构就在那里让所有人看！

I couldn’t decipher the menu, but I think the majority of it just talked about ‘fruity’ and ‘juicy’ girls…disgusting…

我没法辨认那个菜单，可是我想其中的大多数都在说关于‘有果味的’和‘多汁的’女孩子们…恶心死了…

The top 10 styles of music you’ve never heard of (你从没听过的10种音乐风格)

People’s Square subway station is gigantic. It has three lines running through it (1,2 and 8) and I think there are more to come soon…(Expo anyone?)…With tens of thousands of people walking through it every day, there is huge commercial potential inside and beside this travel hub.

人民广场地铁站超级大。那里有3条轨道交通经过（1，2和8）。我想可能以后还会有更多…（世博会？）…这里每天有成千上万的人经过，在这个交通中心有很大的潜在商机。

Above Line 2 there is a market – the type that sells loads of useless pap that foreigners travellers like to spend their hard-earned RMB on (sunglasses, watches, hats etc). Large advertising posters are dotted throughout the small mall, including this one of a dancing beauty advertising a radio station:

2号线上面有一个很大的市场-那里卖很多老外喜欢花他们血汗钱去买的没用的东西（太阳眼镜，手表，帽子等等）。在这个小商场里有很多很大的广告海报，其中一个上有一个跳舞的美女为一个广播台做宣传的海报：

It’s a really cool poster – surrounding the hottie are the names of lots of different genres of music. Dance, country, kraut rock…

这个海报真的很酷-辣妹周围是很多不一样的音乐风格的名字。舞曲，乡村，德国摇滚…

Wait, what? KRAUT ROCK? WTF is that?! I looked cLose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exerciser, and found some intriguing styles which, in my cLose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercised-off and conservative life, I may have overlooked:

等等，什么？德国摇滚？这是什么东东？我靠近了看，然后发现了一些让我感兴趣的风格，一些在我封闭的人生中可能忽视的风格。

And finally, my favourite…the soundtrack of the North of England…

最后，我最喜欢的…英国北部的音乐…

Gym merges with estate agent? (健身房和房产经济联合了？)

I often go own a membership to the gym opposite my office, and it’s really nice. Even though it doesn’t have a swimming pool (oh, Terra gym, I miss thee) it’s clean, modern and has loads of running machines with TVs in the dashboard…

我是我们公司对面的健身房的会员，那里很好。虽然没有游泳池（一兆韦德…我想念那个地方），可是很干净，现代而且有很多仪表器上带电视的跑步机…

…but sadly, they couldn’t afford the extra 50rmb for a sign proofreader – unless they are actually moving into property development?

…但是悲哀的是，他们付不起50块让别人教对一下指示牌-除非他们真的想转行发展房地产了？

Kobe Bryant is good at basketball (柯比擅长打篮球)

Ok, there…I said it. After spending the best part of the last 2 months watching the NBA playoffs, it feels weird not having Kobe, Lebron, Dwight, Sir Charles and even Reggie Miller available every evening for my entertainment pleasure.

没错…这是我说的。在过去的2个月看了NBA总决赛最棒的部分以后，在每个晚上的休闲时间看不到Kobe, Lebron, Dwight, Sir Charles甚至是Reggie Miller，都会觉得很不习惯。

China’s affection for Kobe is deep – they don’t seem to have developed the hatred of ‘great’ players yet (see: Cristiano Ronaldo) just because they’re good. The day after the NBA Finals were over, I saw that the posters at the Hongkou Football Stadium basketball courts had been re-done. Pretty cool:

中国对于Kobe的喜欢更加强烈-他们貌似还没有对其他讨人厌的‘最佳’运动员产生兴趣（比如：Cristiano Ronaldo），因为他们很好。在NBA决赛结束的第2天，我看到虹口足球场篮球场的海报重新做过了。相当的酷：

It says: Always determined (Determination never gives up)
上面说的是：决心永不停止决心永不停止决心永不停止

Epic Christmas gifts #1 (牛X的圣诞礼物1)

My Christmas was ruined due to the mystery of the disappearing umbrella. Ibby, my flatmate, managed to buy me EXACTLY what I wanted – a high quality umbrella with a kick-ass traditional Chinese devilish mask on it. So on the first day of rain, I went to grab it…and it was gone.

我的圣诞节被毁了。因为伞的神秘失踪。Ibby,我的室友，买了我最想要的给我-一把很好的伞状在一个中国京剧脸谱的瓶子里。然后在第一个想用它的下雨天，我到处都找不到它…没了。

I searched all over the house, but to no avail…someone (or some evil spirit) had removed it from the house…and it was never to be seen again. I’ve nearly dealt with the pain now (nearly 7 months later), but in dealing with the pain I forgot about a truly EPIC gift that Oytun received from Vivian…and now I think I’m ready to share it with the world.

我找遍整个屋子，可是徒劳…某人（或者某个妖怪）已经把它从屋子里带走了…然后再也没有见到过它。我差不多已经从痛苦中恢复了（大概7个月后），可是在与悲痛作斗争的时候，我忘了另外一个更牛的礼物，是Vivian给Oytun的…现在我准备好了拿出来跟这个世界分享。

Don’t touch it! It might be a booby trap! (sorry)

别碰它！可能是个大波陷阱！（不好意思）