Cool t-shirt YO! (酷体恤！)
When my sister and I used to go on holiday in France, we’d sometimes pass the time by finding funny ‘Frenglish’ t-shirts. They’re the ones which, although they might make some sort of grammatical sense, they just sound weird or funny. Our everlasting favourite was:
以前我跟我姐姐一起去法国度假的时候，我们有时会靠找有趣的‘法式英语体恤’来消磨时光。他们就是会有一定的语法的意义，可是就是听起来很滑稽好玩。我们曾经百笑不厌的最喜欢的一个是：
“If it breaks, I will ride it”
‘如有破浪，我即乘风而去。’
I believe it was a surfing t-shirt (waves breaking, etc), but it conjured so many more images than simply hitting the beach. My latest WTF moment was in the subway the other day:
我想那一定是一件冲浪体恤上的（乘风破浪，等），但是它让你联想到的不仅仅是简单地浪打沙滩。我最近一次被雷到是有天在地铁上：
This one’s for you Sis, any interpretation?
这个是给你的姐姐，有什么释义吗？
Bear on a chain in a zoo in China! (中国动物园里戴着锁链的熊!)
I went to Shanghai Wild Animal safari park a while ago, and I can’t believe I forgot to post this…it’s a bear on a chain!
我前阵子去了上海野生动物园,竟然忘记贴上来了…那是一只戴着锁链的熊!
“Attention!”
立正
Follow me…
跟我来…
I got the magic stick!
我有一根魔棒!
Mum #1: COME ON BOY, SMILE FOR WINNE!
妈妈 #1: 嘿,像维尼一样笑一个!
Son #2: I feel a little uncomfortable with this.
儿子 #2: 我觉得有点不舒服.
Did you know that “chain” is an anagram of “China”?!
你以前知道吗?chain是China的变形?!
Calligraphy in Shanghai (书法在上海)
While waiting for a pair of VERY SLOW friends to get ready for a badminton game, I found myself in the ‘reception area’ of a block of flats near Wujiaochang. Every block of flats in Shanghai seems to have at least one (but up two three) people who hang around near the door almost 24/7, usually doing nothing.
在等一些超级慢的的朋友去打羽毛球的时候，我发现自己在五角场附近的一个社区的公寓的“签到处“。在上海的每个社区的公寓都能看到至少一个（也会有2-3个）人在门口附近24/7的晃悠，通常他们什么都不做。
The woman who ‘lives’ near the door of our flat is one of the most unfriendly people in the world. She never says hello, sits in the shadows and generally acts a bit like The Crow…
“住“在我们社区公寓门口的女人一定是这个世界上最不友好的。她从来都不说你好，只是坐在树荫下，好像在扮演“乌鸦“…
I was extremely suprised, therefore, when the two women in my friend’s block were very friendly! We chatted for a few minutes (Women: You’re tall! Me: Yes! Women: How tall? Me: 2 metres! Women: Really? Me: Yes! etc…) and then they told me they wanted to introduce me to a super-calligrapher, an 82 year old who was in the next room! Grabbing the opportunity, I went in…
我非常吃惊，因为2个女人在我的朋友的社区非常的友好！我们聊了一会（女人：你真高！我：对！女人：多高？我：2米！女人：真的吗？我：对！等等…）然后他们告诉我她们要介绍给我一个超级书法大师，一个82岁的老人就在隔壁的房间！抓住机会，我进去了…
…and he was busy drawing up some super-characters! I looked so scared…because I knew what was coming…he challenged me to a Pokemon-style calligraphy battle!
…他正在写一些超级汉字！我看起来很害怕…因为我知道会发生什么…他挑战我数码宝贝风格的书法大赛！
…I scribbled away…emptying my vast knowledge of complex Chinese characters into the paper. I reckon it’s been about 12 years since I touched a paintbrush (1997 11DF QEHS Art class), so it felt a bit strange…
…我潦草地书写…我挖空心思地想复杂的中文字写在纸上。我意识到我有12年没有碰画笔了（1997年11DF QEHS美术班），所以我觉得有点怪怪的…
…but at least I made it to 12 characters!
…但是至少我写了12个汉字！
He went back to his desk, and began training for the next round: BIG CHARACTERS! He drew out his 4 biggest and best, and then turned over the brush to me…
他回到他的桌子，开始有一轮的练习：大汉字！他写了4个最大最好的，然后转过来把毛笔给我…
…I was in the zone…
…我在那里…
My focus was so great that even the calligr-oupie couldn’t avert my gaze…
我集中了自己所有的注意力，就连和书法家睡觉的人都没有能引起我的注意…
And here was the final result…I’m banking on the ‘untrained eye’ to not notice any of the mistakes in mine :)
这是最终结果…我打赌‘没有训练过的眼睛’一定注意不到我的字里的错误…
When we were done, the guy decided to write out a letter of recommendation for me to go and study in the School of Calligraphy in a Shaolin Temple somewhere on top of a mountain in the heart of China…
我们写好了以后，这个老人决定给我写一封推荐书让我可以去少林寺的书法学校学习，在中国中心的最高的山上…
…unfortunately it was only valid for 10 seconds before (using secret Kung-Fu powder and magic) it self-destructed. The chance gone, I decided to say my goodbyes to the team, and head out to the badminton court. I do have his phone number though, so if anyone else wants to do a calligraphy battle against him in Shanghai, let me know!
…不幸的是有效期只有10秒，在它自毁以前（靠秘密功夫粉和魔法）。没机会了，我决定跟他们说再见然后去羽毛球馆了。不管怎样我有他的电话，不管谁想在上海挑战他的书法，联系我咯！
Why the Chinese are so good at maths (为什么中国人的数学那么好)
Even the police give daily reminders about vocabulary…
就连警察也每日给你提醒词汇….
It is this highly developed sense of mathematics and engineering that allows them to build structures which we in the West may think are impossible:
只有有高度的数学和工程发展意识才能做到这样的结构，这是我们在西方的人认为不可能的：
…but how do you get out of the lift if it stops between floors?!
…可是电梯停在2个楼层中间的时候要怎么出去啊？！
Who wants to be a Millionaire (China Version) (谁要成为百万富翁（中国版）)
After arriving in Shanghai more than a year ago, I was quite frightened by the cash-machines. I remember one evening, while walking in the French Concession we stumbled upon a small, local bank. I stuck my card in quickly (we’d been searching for what seemed like hours for a place to get some beer-vouchers), keyed in the amount I need (2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000rmb) and collected my money…
在到上海的一年多以前，我很怕用提款机。我记得有一个晚上，我在法租界散步的时候，偶然发现一个很小的，本地的银行。我很快放进我的卡（为了拿钱我们找了好久了），输入我要拿的金额（2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000元）然后提钱…
…wait…wtf…erm…no PIN?!
…等等…什么…呃…没有密码？！
In China, anything is possible!
在中国，一切皆有可能！
Nowadays, however, most of the banks now are pretty standard – although I’ve noticed that every bank’s UI (User Interface) is different. I really don’t understand why banks across the world haven’t worked together to build the ‘perfect’ UI – the ‘Nokia 3210′ of Bank UIs – and put them as standard in every machine in the globe.
然而现在，大部分的银行都相当有标准-虽然我意识到每个银行的UI（使用界面）都不一样。我真的不明白为什么世界性的银行不一起做一个‘完美’的使用界面-‘诺基亚3210’银行使用界面-然后在全球让他们在每个机器标准化。
Not only would it make sense, it would stop certain banks from trying to make their screens look like the ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ quiz machine, like this one:
这样不仅更合理，而且不会让人觉得某些银行的显示看起来好像是‘谁想成为百万富翁’的问答游戏机界面，就像这个：
Unfortunately, the software development didn’t stretch as far as a proof-reader. It doesn’t really inspire a huge amount of trust in the safety of your money…
不幸的是，这个软件发展得没有像校正员那么好。这样真的没能增加对于你的钱的安全性的信任。
…maybe they still have time to phone a friend?
…也许他们还有时间打电话给一个朋友？
Annoying Shanghai Habits #1 (in a series of 42,000) (我讨厌的上海习惯之一（42，000里的一个）)
What is wrong with this scene?
这个画面有什么不对吗？
Got it yet?
知道了吗？
.
.
Still looking?
还在看？
.
.
Don’t cheat…think about it!
不能作弊…再想想！
.
.
Ok, I will tell you…
好吧，我来告诉你…
.
.
Yes, you got it – WHY THE HELL DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE AN UMBRELLA WHEN IT’S NOT RAINING?!
对，你说对了-为什么这个女人在不是下雨的天气打伞？
Ah yes, of course, cultural barrier #6817681 – Chinese people think being pastey as a milk bottle is some sort of status symbol (and you people asked me why I chose to come here?!).
哦~对，当然，文化差异第6817681条-中国人认为苍白得像牛奶一样是一种社会地位的标志（然后你们会问我为什么选择来这里？！）
But that’s not all…not only is she under and umbrella, she’s also UNDER THE BUS SHELTER!
可是根本不是…她不只是在伞下，她还坐在车站的候车亭！
I have learned to live with the folly of trying to stay pale…but c’mon…if the sun’s strong enough to go through three inches of steel, it’s sure as hell strong enough to go through your 10rmb parasol…
我已经学会了和这些死命要变白的傻瓜生活了…可是拜托…如果太阳大到足够穿过3英寸的钢材，毫无疑问能穿过这10块钱的阳伞…
…or is it?
…不是吗？
OMFG Party
It’s the OMFG party at our place. The video you see is LIVE! Everyone’s e-invited! You can chat live with people at the party by typing in the chat window below. Enjoy!
Shanghai blog (上海博客)
It’s been a while since I started my Shanghai blog, and I’m amazed every day at how many people like to read the crap that I write (in English AND Chinese!). Blogs about Shanghai are often populated with middle-aged, white, China-loving pseudo-nerds, and I’m glad that I’m breaking some of those stereotypes with this site (I plan to die when I’m 273 years old, so technically I won’t be middle-aged for another 63 years).
我开始写上海博客也有一段时间了,我很惊讶每天有那么多人喜欢读这些我写的垃圾(英文和中文的!). 博客内容通常都是关于在上海的中年人,白领,喜欢上海的伪君子,而且我很开心通过这个网站我打破了一些成见(我打算在273岁的时候死,所以这样来说的话再过63年以后我还是到不了中年).
In honour of several special things that happened today (in history)…
为纪念一些特殊的发生在今天的事情(历史上的)…
2008 Radovan Karadzic arrested for war crimes after a 12 year manhunt
2008年卡拉季奇在被追捕12年后以战争犯罪被逮捕。
1978 World’s strongest dog, 80-kg St. Bernard, pulls 2909-kg load 27 m
1978年 世界上最强壮的狗,80公斤的圣伯纳德狗,拉了2909公斤的东西27米
365 Alexandria hit by Earthquake; about 50,000 die
365年 亚历山大港地震,死亡人数将近 50,000
…I thought I’d put some kickass pics on the blog of the roof of URBN hotel, Shanghai.
…我想我应该放些在上海城市酒店顶楼拍的很牛的照片在我的博客上.
I promise, no photoshop!
我发誓，没有PS。
New Shanghai brothel (新上海妓院)
After uncovering the Shanghai Male Escort Service, I was even more shocked to find that a new brothel has recently opened right next to Hongkou Football stadium in Shanghai. I would never have known, but the shameless owner decided to give out namecards on the street!
在暴光上海男陪服务以后,最近我更惊讶地发现了一个开在虹口足球场附近的新的妓院。 我并不想知道的，但是无耻的业主在街上到处发名片!
I decided to check the info, and sure enough…the title of the filthy establishment was right there for all to see!
我决定看一下上面的信息，然后足够的确信了…那个肮脏的机构就在那里让所有人看！
I couldn’t decipher the menu, but I think the majority of it just talked about ‘fruity’ and ‘juicy’ girls…disgusting…
我没法辨认那个菜单，可是我想其中的大多数都在说关于‘有果味的’和‘多汁的’女孩子们…恶心死了…
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