How rumours start? – 谣言是怎么来的？

Breaking news from the official French Open tennis tournament website:

来自法国网球公开赛官方网站的最新消息：

Check out the caption! I’m not sure that Federer’s wife would be very happy to read this!

看标题(French kiss = 舌吻)！我觉得费德勒的老婆看到这个可能会不太高兴！

Good work Dad! – 干得好，老爸！

My parents don’t really understand blogging, websites, the internet or how I could possibly have retired at the age of 21*….but my Dad is pretty good at spotting potential blog material.

我爸妈不太了解博客，网站，网络还有我怎么能在21*岁就退休了 …但我的爸爸很善于发现潜在博客素材。

From a distance – an innocent clothes shop…

从远处看 – 这是一个单纯的服装店…

Up cLose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise – a clandestine massage parlour?

靠近点 – 一个秘密的按摩院？

Boy and Cow – 男孩和牛

I’m pretty sure this type of picture is the reason that you’re not supposed to touch the exhibits in sculpture parks…

我敢肯定这样的照片就是不让你在雕塑公园触摸展品的原因所在了…

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Terrible flavour decisions – 可怕的怪口味

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Doraemon. Anyone who has lived or worked with me in the past knows that I love jelly beans. Imagine my excitement when I saw in my local Kedi that these two brilliant things had been combined!

了解我的人都知道我有多爱多啦A梦。跟我一起生活或者工作过的人也都知道我有多爱果冻豆。当我在可的看到这两个辉煌的东西被合并在一起的时候，你能想象我有多激动吗！

They looked amazing…and were very cheap! Maybe 3rmb (~30p) for a big pot! I was pretty tired and hungry (I was on the way home from work) so I opened up the pot and threw a few into my mouth.

他们看起来很棒…而且也很便宜！大概3块钱（〜30便士）有一大瓶！我又累又饿（我在下班回家的路上），所以我开了一瓶，一把扔到我嘴里。

Texture: Great!
口感：棒极了！

Crunch to chewy ratio: Great!
咀嚼度：非常好！

Taste: ….weird
味道：…奇怪

I couldn’t quite put my finger on the taste. I had tried the orange one, but it tasted like…vegetables. Weird vegetables.

我搞不清楚这是什么口味。我试过了橘黄色的这个，可是吃起来味道像…蔬菜。奇怪的蔬菜。

In panic, I looked at the pot…

有点害怕，我就看了下瓶子…

What the hell?! WHY would you do that?! Carrot flavoured jelly beans? Filled with fear, I looked at the red ones…I was hoping…praying…

什么鬼东西？！为什么这样对我？！胡萝卜味的果冻豆？可怕，我看着红色的那瓶…我希望… …祈祷…

Oh my god…they did it. Tomato flavour sweets. What sort of sick and twisted mind would do this?

哦，天哪…他们真的这么做了。番茄味的糖。什么样的疯子和心灵扭曲的人会做这种东西？

I’ve now come to the conclusion that this is just to make foreigners feel unwelcome in China. I have more proof…from a company that we can usually depend on – Lays (Walkers)

现在我得出的结论是，这是为了让老外感到不受中国欢迎。我还有一些证据…一个我们都知道的公司 – 乐事

It seems that recently Lays have been producing flavours out of dishes that foreigners HATE more than anything else! Check this one out:

看来乐事最近也已经研发出了让外国人讨厌的口味！看看这个：

Although there are some masochists who like their face to be paralysed, I’m pretty sure most Westerners at least try to stay away from that hotpot.

虽然是有一些喜欢受惊吓的受虐狂，但是我敢肯定大多数西方人都要尽量远离火锅了。

That’s not the worst one though…

这还不是最差的一个…

Hot and sour fish’s HEAD! The head is even on the packet! Insane. They did put a hot girl on the packet…

酸辣鱼的头！这个头竟然还在包装上！疯了。尽管他们在包装上放了一个辣妹…

But they left the big, ugly, dirty, fish head (with eyeballs) there too!

但是，他们留了个又大，又丑，又脏的鱼头（还有眼珠子）在那里！

What’s next – Chicken feet flavour?!

之后会是什么——鸡爪味？

Early Retirement! – 提前退休!

Today is the last day of my current job. I’ve been an English teacher in Shanghai for the last one and a half years, and it has been a fantastic experience. I will miss the school, my colleagues and, more than anything else, the brilliant students. I’ve loved every single day!

今天是我目前的工作的最后一天。我已经在上海做了一年半的英语老师，这是一段美妙的经历。我会想念我的学校，我的同事和比什么都重要的优秀的学生们。我爱在这里的每一天！

Remember you can always contact me using: dentons @ gmail.com (add me on Kaixin001 too!) as well as through this website, Facebook, Twitter, Buzz etc….

记住你可以随时与我联系：dentons @ gmail.com（加我的Kaixin001！），还可以通过这些网站，Facebook，Twitter，Buzz等…

Many people have asked me what I plan to do now. This has been a bit of a secret, but since it’s my last day today I think I can now finally reveal what my new, retired life will be like….

很多人问我有什么打算。这一直是一个谜，但因为今天是我的最后一个工作日，所以我想可以透露一些我的新的，退休后的生活给你们了，它将是…

…

…

…

I’m going to become the KING OF A NAXI TRIBE IN LIJIANG, YUNNAN PROVINCE!!!!

我要成为云南省丽江纳西族部落国王，云南！！

This will be my kingdom! It’s pretty rural, but definitely has a good water supply.

这将是我的王国！一个漂亮的村庄，保证有水。

There aren’t many rules you need to follow, and to be honest some of them are pretty obvious…

在这里你不需要遵守很多规定，而且老实说有些规定都是很明显的…

I have selected a Chief of Staff. I’m not sure what his name is, but he did kill a wolf with his teeth to prove his loyalty to me.

我选了一个参谋长。我不知道他叫什么，但他确实以用牙杀狼来证明了对我的忠诚。

Another picture of my back garden. Unheated swimming pool included.

另一幅图是我的后花园。包括温水游泳池。

I have been given a crown, but one of the first jobs that will be axed as part of my rule is the clothes-designer.

我拿到了王冠，然后我发现我现在的首要任务将是裁掉这个设计师。

Woooooo! Retired!

哇！退休了！

THE KING’S BACK!

国王回来了！

It’s a whole new life – and if you need me for anything, please do get in touch. I’ll be sitting by the side of the pool drinking a cold beer fishing for sharks and crocodiles playing Happy Farm on my laptop….

这是全新的生活 – 如果你需要什么，请与我们联系。我会坐在池边喝冰啤酒钓着我的鲨鱼和鳄鱼用我的本本玩我的开心农场…

The Dog and Duck – 狗与鸭

The names of English pubs have always fascinated me, mainly because of their inappropriate nature. I spent 65% of my life before the age of 18 in my local pub, which was called ‘The Reindeer’. Looking back, this wasn’t perhaps a very relevant name (I certainyl never saw a Reindeer near my house, except around December 24th…).

英国的酒吧的名字一直让我很着迷，主要是因为它们的不恰当。18岁前，我生活的65%的时间都花在了当地的一个叫做‘驯鹿’的酒吧。回头想想，也许这并不是一个非常恰当的名字（我从来没有在我家附近见过驯鹿… 除了12月24日左右…）。

More suitable names could have been ‘The Power Station’, ‘The Dirty Stream’ or maybe even ‘The Dirty Duck’.

更多更恰当的名字可能是’发电厂’，’肮脏流’或者’肮脏鸭’。

One of the most famous pub names is ‘The Dog and Duck’, and I always wondered what possible link these two animals had with each other. It took a trip to Beijing to realise how well these guys get on with each other…

其中最有名的一个酒吧的名字是’狗与鸭’，我总是搞不懂怎么会把这两个动物联系在一起的。到北京一游以后，我终于了解到这两种动物相处得有多么融洽…

What on earth is that dog thinking?

这狗到底在想什么？