Oli's Shanghai Blog» haha http://www.djod.co.uk Oli's Shanghai blog - facebook emoticons, photos, chinese, tech, life, girls, jokes and food from Shanghai, China. Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:12:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc en hourly 1 This is almost beyond a joke… (不是开玩笑的…) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/12/this-is-almost-beyond-a-joke/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/12/this-is-almost-beyond-a-joke/#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:35:56 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=2021 I hate spam as much as anyone, but come on man…give me a break!

我比谁都痛恨垃圾邮件，可是……放过我吧！

nocaptcha

Is that pi?!?!

这是派吗？！？！

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/12/this-is-almost-beyond-a-joke/feed/ 20 31.230708 121.472916 Fake DVD shop life lesson #1 (盗版DVD商店教训之一) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/10/fake-dvd-shop-life-lesson-1/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/10/fake-dvd-shop-life-lesson-1/#comments Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:57:25 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1994 I absolutely love our local fake DVD shop. THere are two floors of movies, music dvds, cds and tv series. The people who work in there are always funny and relaxed and they’ll be honest with you if the quality of the disc is not exactly ‘100%’.

我真心喜欢我们这里的盗版DVD商店。2层楼都是电影，音乐，cd和电视剧。在那里的工作人员总是很有意思并且很放松，而且如果片子的质量不是100%的好，他们绝对会如实告诉你。

I went in last week and spent a bit of time in one of my favourite sections – Classic Movies.

上个星期我去哪里花了点时间选我最喜欢的一个部分的片子-经典电影。

nicolas cage shanghai

I haven’t seen ‘Weather Man’, but I’m sure it’s a real classic (because everything Nicolas Cage touches turns to gold). Part drama, part action film…and part philosophy?

我没看过‘天气预报员’，但是我相信这是个经典的片子（因为Nicolas Cage能点石成金）。一点情节，一点动作的片子…还有一点哲学？

nicolas cage shanghai

I couldn’t have said it butter myself, Nick.
我已经说得够清纯了, Nick.

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/10/fake-dvd-shop-life-lesson-1/feed/ 9 31.230708 121.472916 Customer service in Shanghai (上海客服) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/02/customer-service-in-shanghai/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/02/customer-service-in-shanghai/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:04:53 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=2000 Some people moan about customer service in Shanghai, but I found one café near my workplace which actually thanks you if you take the piss out of them!

有些人常常抱怨上海的客服，可是我发现我工作的地方旁边的一个咖啡馆，他们会感谢你如果你拿他们开玩笑！

sado masochism shanghai

I wonder what they’d do if you didn’t pay?

我在想，如果你吃霸王餐他们会拿你怎么样？

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/11/02/customer-service-in-shanghai/feed/ 3 31.230708 121.472916 We put the TESL in…erm… (有人需要一些英语培训) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/23/we-put-the-tesl-in-erm/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/23/we-put-the-tesl-in-erm/#comments Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:42:29 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1869 TESL stands for, amongst other things, Teaching English as a Second Language.
TESL表示教授母语非英语者英语.

teaching-english-second-language-shanghai-china

Maybe there is some subliminal messaging in this sign?
也许这里面还有某些引申义？

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/23/we-put-the-tesl-in-erm/feed/ 2 31.230708 121.472916 Tragic love story in 6 words (六个字的作文) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/15/tragic-love-story-in-6-words/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/15/tragic-love-story-in-6-words/#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:18:18 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1948 I usually try not to reprint things here (or take things from other places), but I absolutely love this picture which was taken from a Chinese exam paper (allegedly). If you like this sort of story, there are loads of funny videos and funny photos from China at Funny in China – 趣味中国!

通常我都不会转帖到这里（或者把别的地方的东西拿来用），但是我真的很喜欢这张中国考卷（真心的）。如果你也喜欢这样的小品，可以上Funny in China – 趣味中国!，那里有很多有趣的视频和图片！

short tragic chinese love story

It says:
Question
Write an article about love.

Requirements
1. Use brief and refined language
2. The story should end tragically
3. No word limit

Answer
Will you marry me?
“Fuck off!”

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/10/15/tragic-love-story-in-6-words/feed/ 10 31.230708 121.472916 For some reason, I wouldn’t like to take this bus (由于某些原因，我不要上他的车子) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/26/for-some-reason-i-wouldnt-like-to-take-this-bus/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/26/for-some-reason-i-wouldnt-like-to-take-this-bus/#comments Sat, 26 Sep 2009 09:13:01 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1863 I rewatched Speed the other day with a group of students. What a classic film! Keanu Reeves…about to break onto the world stage…Sandra Bullock…well…she was enjoying her 5 minutes of fame before she disappeared into B-movie obscurity (yes The Net, I’m talking about you!).

某日我跟我一群学生重温了遍生死时速。经典的电影啊！基努•李维斯…即将站上世界的舞台…桑德拉•布洛克…嗯…在她消失然后投身于B级影片前她确实享受了5分钟的名望（对，我说的就是网络惊魂！）

The next day we were driving near Huaihai Lu when I saw this bus. I’m not sure what it was, but I really wouldn’t feel comfortable taking it….

次日当我们在淮海路上开车的时候看到了这辆公车。我不确定它的样子，但是我确实不敢上这辆车…

911 bus Shanghai China

Shanghai bus 911

…it wasn’t going very fast, but then…maybe it hadn’t reached 50mph yet!

…车开得不快，可是…它可能都不超过80km/h！

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/26/for-some-reason-i-wouldnt-like-to-take-this-bus/feed/ 4 31.230708 121.472916 I hate my new colleague – 我恨我的新同事 http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/21/i-hate-my-new-colleague/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/21/i-hate-my-new-colleague/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:46:15 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1877 When a new colleague joins a company, either you love them or hate them. If you watch ‘Lie to Me’ (and you should), you will know that you can pass on a lot of body language subconsciously – but what is even worse is if someone makes an OBVIOUS EFFORT to piss you off. It’s cold-blooded.

总有新同事加入公司，不管是不是你喜欢的。如果你看过‘千谎百计’（你应该看过），你会知道通过肢体语言能看出很多潜意识的东西-可是最糟糕的是有些人故意那样让你生气。那就是可恶了。

That has happened with my new colleague. Usually, when some tadpole joins an office, they will make an effort to stay out of trouble, keep a low profile and generally be nice. Well this guy is just the opposite. You see, in our office there are only around 10 desks – but there are 12 staff. This means that sometimes people have to share desks, and generally be flexible.

这个就发生在我的新同事身上。通常，当有新人来办公室，都会尽量不惹麻烦，保持低调和友好。可是这个家伙正好相反。瞧，在我们办公室只有大概10张桌子-可是有12个员工。这就意味着有时候大家需要合用一下桌子，非常灵活的。

Not me, though. I hate it when people sit in my seat, as it is MY OWN GLORIOUS MESS. If anyone does sit in my seat, I invariably lose half of my papers and notes and have to redo them. Terrible.

尽管不是我。我讨厌别人坐我的椅子，因为那是我自己的弄得乱七八糟的椅子。如果别人坐在我椅子上，我总是要弄丢一半的纸，笔记，然后不得不重新做这些。太可怕了。

So anyway, back to the story. On his first day, not only did my new colleague hop into my seat, AND steal my nametag….

无管怎样，我们回到这个故事，我抓到了这个扒手！ 在他上班的第一天！他竟然坐在我的位子上，还偷我的名牌…

02-i-hate-my-new-colleague

01-i-hate-my-new-colleague

…but he also stole the shirt off my back! I’m pond-ering my revenge!

…而且他还偷了我的T恤！我一定要报仇雪恨！

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/21/i-hate-my-new-colleague/feed/ 11 31.230708 121.472916 Best job interview ever? (最好的工作面试) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/16/best-job-interview-ever/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/16/best-job-interview-ever/#comments Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:08:58 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1771
Chinese job interview

I was recently sent this interview in an email from a colleague – I get a kick out of it, so I think you will too! I’ve been on a mission recently to find jokes that are funny both in English and Chinese…consider this the first step towards global comedy domination…

我最近把这个面试发给了一个同事，他笑死了，我想你也会笑死的！我最近有个任务就是要寻找中文和英文的好玩的东西或者笑话…考虑把这个当作冲向国际喜剧界的第一步…

Best job interview ever? 最好的工作面试?

Interviewer: Ok! Go for it!

老板： 好的，就这么愉快地决定了!

Interviewee: If the job is too tiring, I’ll probably quit.

职员：如果工作太累，搞不好我会辞职的

Interviewer: Don’t worry about that, we’ll never let it happen.

老板：放心，我不会让这样的事情发生的！

Interviewee: Would I have time off on weekends?

职员：我双休日可以休息吗？

Interviewer: Of course, that’s the bottom line!

老板：当然了！这是底线！

Interviewee: Would I have to work ’til very late?

职员：平时会天天加班到凌晨吗？

Interviewer: That’s not possible, who told you that?

老板：不可能，谁告诉你的？

Interviewee: Do you offer allowance for food at work?

职员：有餐费补贴吗？

Interviewer: Absolutely, and it’s higher than in any other company!

老板：还用说吗，绝对比同行都高！

Interviewee: Is there any risk of death?

职员：有没有工作猝死的风险？

Interviewer: No, how could you ever think that?

老板：不会！你怎么会有这种念头？

Interviewee: Would the company ever take us to travel?

职员：公司会定期组织旅游吗？

Interviewer: Yep, that’s what the work manual says!

老板：这是我们的明文规定！

Interviewee: Would I have to come to work on time?

职员：那我需要准时上班吗？

Interviewer: Nope, it depends.

老板：不，看情况吧

Interviewee: What about the pay, would I get paid on time?

职员：工资呢？会准时发吗？

Interviewer: Always.

老板：一向如此！

Interviewee: Do the new staff have to do everything?

职员：事情全是新员工做吗？

Interviewer: How is it possible? There are lots of more experienced staff.

老板：怎么可能，你上头还有很多资深同事！

Interviewee: If there is a position opening, could I apply for it?

职员：如果领导职位有空缺，我可以参与竞争吗啊？

Interviewer: Definitely! That is what our company depends on!

老板：毫无疑问，这是我们公司赖以生存的机制！

Interviewee: Are you kidding me?

职员：你不会是在骗我吧？

Oh, I forgot to mention…please read it from the bottom -> top!

噢，我忘记说了…请从下往上读！

If you like this and you want to read more email forwards, funny pictures and videos from China, check out FunnyinChina.com!

如果你喜欢这个，而且想读更多的中国的转发邮件，好玩的图片和视频，快看 FunnyinChina.com！

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/16/best-job-interview-ever/feed/ 5 31.230708 121.472916 Dunkin’ Donuts’ secret ingredient! (唐恩都乐的神秘配方) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/08/dunkin-donuts-secret-ingredient/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/08/dunkin-donuts-secret-ingredient/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:29:34 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1848 With the scandal of the tainted milk powder still fresh in the minds of many Chinese people, I was shocked to see this sign in the window of the Dunkin’ Donuts shop on Fuzhou Lu yesterday.

在中国人对于变质奶粉丑闻仍然记忆犹新的时候，我昨天又被福州路上的一家唐恩都乐店窗上的广告给吓到了。

Could it really be that Dunkin’ Donuts has begun using one very ‘old fashioned’ ingredient?!

难道唐恩都乐真的决定使用这种‘过时的’配方了？！

dunkin-donuts-shanghai-china-secret-ingredient

The green one definitely looks like it’s tainted!

这个绿的看起来就是变质的！

(DDT = 爆燃过渡到爆炸)

]]> http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/09/08/dunkin-donuts-secret-ingredient/feed/ 13 31.230708 121.472916 Fried dork (炸笨蛋) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/08/27/fried-dork-%e7%82%b8%e7%ac%a8%e8%9b%8b/ http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/08/27/fried-dork-%e7%82%b8%e7%ac%a8%e8%9b%8b/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:46:34 +0000 Oli http://www.djod.co.uk/?p=1743 I was so excited to see this menu because I thought it was a typo of ‘duck’…on second glance, it has much more to do with pig than our feathery friends…

我当初很兴奋，因为我以为这个菜是一种鸭肉，但是后来才明白其实是一种猪肉。。。

frieddork

…but what the hell is a chak?!?!?

可是这个鬼chak 到底是什么？！？！

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