Chunz sent me this epic photo in response to my last post…Best thing in Heathrow…and I think she’s topped it!

A stationery vending machine! Well you weren’t expecting it to move were you? sorry.

Anyone got any more?

I can’t sleep on planes dude to my (self-diagnosed) ADHD, so my biggest fear when travelling on one is that the tv screen won’t work. And they won’t move my seat. And I have nothing to do. Nothing to do.

NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I’m freaking out with boredom just thinking about it.

When I went into the final waiting area before my flight, I panicked - my netbook battery was dying, I had no papers, no books…what if the unthinkable happened? Sweat started pouring from my head (metaphorically speaking).

Then I saw it. It was like a shining beacon of hope.

How sweet is this?! I admit I’m a sucker for vending machines for non-edible products (and an even bigger one for edible stuff) but this took it to the next level….

Then I saw it…

Just £4! Delivered! Well delivered one metre…but still…

It came in its own heavy duty cardboard box…with a ‘free bookmark’ which looked suspiciously like a piece of the box ripped off (but I’m not a hata, so I give them the benefit of the doubt)…

The finished article.

Ok I really feel like a country-bumpkin now.

Until recently, 95% of Chinese textbooks were printed in Ghana.

However, contracts with publishers in Africa have recently been reviewed by the Chinese government due to suspected ’subliminal messages’ being implanted into the minds of the youth of the country.

I’m not sure there is any hard evidence though.

When I returned from one of my classes I found this cleverly worded note from a colleague, who will only be referred to as JAKE.

He really puts the EF in THIEF.

This Christmas will be just the second I have spent away from my family. Although I do, of course, love my family very much, I don’t really mind being away from them (clearly - I live in China).

Last year could have been pretty melancholy (I hate that word), as we spent Christmas in my Grandparents’ old house (I mean it’s a new build house, they just died so didn’t need it any more), but we saved it by munch and booze….

What? You think I can’t cook? Eat THIS:

So yeah…I’ve been pretty lucky in terms of getting stuffed full of delicious food and drink for the last 26 years. Well this year it’s going to be a bit different….

Let me explain. We just found a great new appartment. That’s great in both senses of the word…it’s beautiful, stacked with cool stuff (I’m going to have my own bathroom for the first time in like…ever…what turf am I meant to do with my own sink?), in an amazing location and is huge.

The downside? 2 months rent as deposit + 1 month in advance + 35% of 1 month agency fee + 10% of 1 month agent fee. Do the maths.

We’re going to have to cut out a LOT of things out of our usual lifestyle for a few weeks.

No more exotic food :(

No more tailored clothes :(

No more hanging with celebrities (perspective is a bitch!) :(

No more His and Hers impulse buys :(

No more KTV :(

But it’s going to be worth it! Not for the comfy as hell leather sofa. Not for the balcony. Not for the oven(!). Not for the tv and surround sound. Not for the piano.

For the décor:

BALLLLLLLLLINNNNNNNN’!!!!!