Today is the last day of my current job. I’ve been an English teacher in Shanghai for the last one and a half years, and it has been a fantastic experience. I will miss the school, my colleagues and, more than anything else, the brilliant students. I’ve loved every single day!

今天是我目前的工作的最后一天。我已经在上海做了一年半的英语老师，这是一段美妙的经历。我会想念我的学校，我的同事和比什么都重要的优秀的学生们。我爱在这里的每一天！

Remember you can always contact me using: dentons @ gmail.com (add me on Kaixin001 too!) as well as through this website, Facebook, Twitter, Buzz etc….

记住你可以随时与我联系：dentons @ gmail.com（加我的Kaixin001！），还可以通过这些网站，Facebook，Twitter，Buzz等…

Many people have asked me what I plan to do now. This has been a bit of a secret, but since it’s my last day today I think I can now finally reveal what my new, retired life will be like….

很多人问我有什么打算。这一直是一个谜，但因为今天是我的最后一个工作日，所以我想可以透露一些我的新的，退休后的生活给你们了，它将是…

…

…

…

I’m going to become the KING OF A NAXI TRIBE IN LIJIANG, YUNNAN PROVINCE!!!!

我要成为云南省丽江纳西族部落国王，云南！！

This will be my kingdom! It’s pretty rural, but definitely has a good water supply.

这将是我的王国！一个漂亮的村庄，保证有水。

There aren’t many rules you need to follow, and to be honest some of them are pretty obvious…

在这里你不需要遵守很多规定，而且老实说有些规定都是很明显的…

I have selected a Chief of Staff. I’m not sure what his name is, but he did kill a wolf with his teeth to prove his loyalty to me.

我选了一个参谋长。我不知道他叫什么，但他确实以用牙杀狼来证明了对我的忠诚。

Another picture of my back garden. Unheated swimming pool included.

另一幅图是我的后花园。包括温水游泳池。

I have been given a crown, but one of the first jobs that will be axed as part of my rule is the clothes-designer.

我拿到了王冠，然后我发现我现在的首要任务将是裁掉这个设计师。

Woooooo! Retired!

哇！退休了！

THE KING’S BACK!

国王回来了！

It’s a whole new life – and if you need me for anything, please do get in touch. I’ll be sitting by the side of the pool drinking a cold beer fishing for sharks and crocodiles playing Happy Farm on my laptop….

这是全新的生活 – 如果你需要什么，请与我们联系。我会坐在池边喝冰啤酒钓着我的鲨鱼和鳄鱼用我的本本玩我的开心农场…

1) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/03/03/bbc-news-lies-about-chinese-news-media-bbc…

2) http://www.djod.co.uk/2009/03/04/bbcnews-lies-again-corrects-error-about-chinese-media-reporting-of-jork-concert

3) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7919299.stm

After pointing out the BBC’s misrepresentation of the facts yesterday, I am pleased to note that today they have changed their article about the reporting of Bjork’s pro-Tibet sentiments at a concert last year.

在指出BBC误说事实的事情以后，我很高兴今天看到他们已经更改了他们关于去年Bjork演唱会藏独的报道。

What once read:
“Last year, Icelandic star Bjork shouted “Free Tibet!” after a song about independence performed during a Shanghai concert, which went unreported in the state-controlled Chinese media. ”

之前写的是：
“去年，冰岛明星Bjork在上海演唱会上表演完一首关于独立的歌以后大喊‘藏独’，此事没有被由国家控制的中国媒体报道过。”

Now reads:
“Last year, Icelandic star Bjork shouted “Free Tibet!” after a song about independence performed during a Shanghai concert.”

现在写的是：
“去年，冰岛明星Bjork在上海演唱会上表演完一首关于独立的歌以后大喊‘藏独’。”

Strangely though, at the top it reads: Page last updated at 15:07 GMT, Monday, 2 March 2009

很奇怪，最上面的注释是：最后更新于格林尼治时间15：07，周一，2009年3月2日

Which is more than 15 hours BEFORE my article. Weird huh? Could this be evil media manipulation or just (another) honest mistake? You decide!

在我的文章出现的15个小时前。很奇怪吧？这究竟是邪恶媒体的操纵还是又一次无心之错呢？你来决定！

I’ve been in China nearly a year, and every day I read BBC news as well as a number of other sites through Google News. Today I noticed a story about China cancelling an Oasis gig (this news is actually around 5 days old, but still, I wondered what the reason was for the cancellation).

我在中国近一年了。每天我都看BBC新闻并且通过Google新闻看很多其他网站上的新闻。今天我注意到了一条是关于中国取消了Oasis的演唱会（事实上这个新闻是5天前的了，但是我还是想知道取消的原因。）

To my suprise, I was greeted with the news that the Chinese government had cancelled their gig due to their ‘Free-Tibet’ ties. I thought this was a little extreme (since I doubt Noel and Liam could find Spain on a map, let alone Tibet). Reading on, the BBC detailed some more performers who had been refused entry or had controversial appearances, including Bjork:

让我惊讶的是，我听到的新闻是中国政府因为乐队成员‘藏独’的关系而取消演唱会。我觉得这有一点偏激（因为我怀疑Noel和Liam是不是能在地图上着到西班牙，更别提西藏了）。继续看，BBC还详细提到了其他表演者遭到拒绝或者引起争论的内容，其中包括Bjork：

“Last year, Icelandic star Bjork shouted “Free Tibet!” after a song about independence performed during a Shanghai concert, which went unreported in the state-controlled Chinese media. ”

“去年，冰岛明星Bjork在上海演唱会上表演完一首关于独立的歌以后大喊‘藏独’，此事没有被由国家控制的中国媒体报道过。”

Unreported? That’s weird…I’m sure I remember reading about it somewhere…Probably in local blogs…

没被报道吗? 很奇怪…我肯定在哪里读到过… 很可能是在当地的BLOG上…

http://www.danwei.org/music/raise_your_flag_declare_indepe.php
http://shanghaiist.com/2008/03/04/did_bjork_actua.php

Oh yeah, that’s right, it was in my local newspaper:

喔对，在当地的报纸上：

http://www.shanghaidaily.com (search ‘bjork’ 搜索‘bjork’)

…oh and in that other newspaper, the national one:

…喔，还在另外一份报纸上，全国性的：

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2008-03/07/content_6518698.htm

…and on this one:

…还有这里：

http://www.china.org.cn/culture/2008-03/13/content_12484616.htm

…oh yeah and on that um website thingy..you know…the big state-controlled media one…

还有网站…要知道…这是最大的国家控制的媒体…

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-03/07/content_7740989.htm

The last line of the Xinhua article is particularly unreported:

新华文章中最后一行特别没有指出的是：

“It [China's Ministry of Culture] said it will tighten the scrutiny of foreign artistic groups coming for performance in China to prevent similar incidents from happening again.”

“文化部将在进一步调查核实后，依法进行处理，并将在今后对外国来华演出的文艺团组进一步严格把关，防范类似事件再次发生。”

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-03/07/content_7740989.htm
http://news.xinhuanet.com/politics/2008-03/07/content_7741004.htm （Chinese/中文）

Thank liberty that the BBC is now on hand to break this news – almost on its anniversary!
感谢民主，BBC现在及时发布了这条新闻-差不多在它的周年纪念！

Complete the following sentences with answers relevant to your life. This is an extremely scientific, psychological test which can find out whether you’re going to be a serial killer or not (within a 7 year window). Don’t cheat, don’t think too much, just answer! GO!

请联系你的生活,回答并完成以下句子.
这是一个非常科学的心理测试,可以判断出你会不会是一个杀人狂.
不许作弊,别想太多,只要回答!开始!

1) If it doesn’t fit… (如果不适合…)

2) If it’s itchy… (如果很痒…)

3) If I can’t see you… (如果我看不到你…)

4) Ice-cream is for… (冰激淋是用来…)

5) I’m not a player… (我不是个很随便的人…)

I’ll start… (check ‘Comments’, then add your own!)
我开始…(看’评论’,添加你自己的!)

Check it out!
你看！

7 days ago… (7天前…)

I woke up this morning, like every morning, at 8am.
今天早上跟平时一样,大概8点我醒了.

I’ve been waking up at 8am every day for the last few months, out of habit.
过去的几个月我都习惯了每天8点醒来.

Every day I realise I have nothing to do at 8am, so I go back to sleep, and have quite vivid dreams. Before I go to sleep, however, I like to turn on the air conditioning (heating) in my room, to try to defrost it for when I wake up again (at 9am).
每天8点当我意识到没什么可做的,就会继续睡,然后做一个很生动的梦.然后在我继续睡觉前,我喜欢把房间暖气打开,为了再醒来的时候(9点)可以感觉暖一点.

So I go back to sleep, but when I wake up I realise that something doesn’t feel right. I’m shivering like an epileptic in an igloo. But why?! I tried to retrace my steps…what had I done differently this morning? I woke up. I reached for the air conditioning remote control. I pressed the ‘ON’ button. It turned on…
所以我继续睡觉,但是当我醒过来,我意识到有些不对劲.我浑身抖得像一个在小房间的癫痫患者.怎么回事?我尝试一步一步回忆…今天早上我做了什么不一样的? 我醒来.然后拿空调遥控器.我按了’开’.然后开了…

Then it hit me. Literally. Cold air in my face. The air conditionig was conditioning my air to an even 18 degrees celsius. Cold air. For an hour. I was Shanghai’s biggest ice-cube.
然后惊醒了.冷空气扑面而来.空调把房间的温度调到了18摄氏度.冷风.一个小时.我成了上海最大的一个冰块.

Now all I need to do is find a huge cocktail to dive into.
现在我所要做的就是找个巨大的鸡尾酒去潜水.

Am I the only person left in the world who doesn’t like the word ‘poo’? It’s not clever, it’s not interesting, I don’t find it funny or cute…it just reminds me of faeces, and I don’t like being reminded of toilet. Maybe you do? You freak.

My sister sent me this great quote by Mark Twain:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow-lines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

I’m not sure about imagining myself as an entire boat, but otherwise I’m on board 100%!

I used to have a website called Pornturkey.co.uk. It was (in effect) exactly the same as this website, just had a super-catchy (stupid and rude sounding) name.

This site used to be hosted by a company running out of India. It was damn cheap. I mean GOD DAMN cheap. Except for the frequent site crashes and horrible customer support, I was happy.

Until one day my site was deleted.

They said it was because it was pornographic. No backups. No warnings. I mean…to say it wasn’t pornographic seems a bit like splitting hairs, since it has the word PORN in the title…but even a five-second glance at it would have revealed that there was more Snoop Dogg than doggystyle here.

It had around a year’s worth of posts on it. I have managed to salvage a bit of the stuff from Internet Archive project, but I couldn’t save it all.

One of my favourite things (which I couldn’t find) was a scan of the postcard my sister sent to me from New York City, September 12 2001. My parents had told me how it was delivered by a postman who was standing in the doorway of our house, as white as sheet, shaking as he handed it over.

Well I found it! Hao de.

I changed my MSN name to one of my favourite quotes:

My interpretation (ok it’s not the deepest message to interpret) is that you have the power to do whatever you want to do in your own life. You don’t need to do the same boring-ass job every day just to get paid. You don’t need to live somewhere you hate with people you hate (I swear I’m not talking about you Oytun/Dalan/Jme lub lub). You don’t need to stay with your boyfriend if he’s a dickhead. You don’t need to stay with your girlfriend if she doesn’t give blowjobs understand you.

Sometimes people get trapped in situations they don’t like because they don’t feel enough power (empowerment?) to believe in themselves. Well I’m telling you now – IF YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR LIFE YOU CAN CHANGE IT! Now stop moaning and start doing.

Oh yeah, more importantly it means, if you are showing signs of a receding hairline YOU CAN BUY A WIG!

You hate me coz you ain’t me

The sword is mightier than the wig

Blades (blondes) have more pun (fun). sorry

Gomu gomu gomu NINJA!