Too scared to go… – 害怕死了……

You may think that this looks like a perfectly normal BBQ restaurant bathroom, but danger lurks around every corner…

你可能觉得这只是很普通的一个BBQ餐厅的洗手间，可是处处都暗藏玄机…

How am I meant to relax enough to pee now I have THIS terrible natural disaster on my mind?!

你说这样叫我怎么能放松地尿尿，当我的脑子里充满着这可怕的自然灾害？

We put the TESL in…erm… (有人需要一些英语培训)

TESL stands for, amongst other things, Teaching English as a Second Language.
TESL表示教授母语非英语者英语.

Maybe there is some subliminal messaging in this sign?
也许这里面还有某些引申义？

Fried dork (炸笨蛋)

I was so excited to see this menu because I thought it was a typo of ‘duck’…on second glance, it has much more to do with pig than our feathery friends…

我当初很兴奋，因为我以为这个菜是一种鸭肉，但是后来才明白其实是一种猪肉。。。

…but what the hell is a chak?!?!?

可是这个鬼chak 到底是什么？！？！

Why the Chinese are so good at maths (为什么中国人的数学那么好)

Even the police give daily reminders about vocabulary…

就连警察也每日给你提醒词汇….

It is this highly developed sense of mathematics and engineering that allows them to build structures which we in the West may think are impossible:

只有有高度的数学和工程发展意识才能做到这样的结构，这是我们在西方的人认为不可能的：

…but how do you get out of the lift if it stops between floors?!

…可是电梯停在2个楼层中间的时候要怎么出去啊？！

Who wants to be a Millionaire (China Version) (谁要成为百万富翁（中国版）)

After arriving in Shanghai more than a year ago, I was quite frightened by the cash-machines. I remember one evening, while walking in the French Concession we stumbled upon a small, local bank. I stuck my card in quickly (we’d been searching for what seemed like hours for a place to get some beer-vouchers), keyed in the amount I need (2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000rmb) and collected my money…

在到上海的一年多以前，我很怕用提款机。我记得有一个晚上，我在法租界散步的时候，偶然发现一个很小的，本地的银行。我很快放进我的卡（为了拿钱我们找了好久了），输入我要拿的金额（2,000,0000,000,0,0,0,0,00000元）然后提钱…

…wait…wtf…erm…no PIN?!

…等等…什么…呃…没有密码？！

In China, anything is possible!

在中国，一切皆有可能！

Nowadays, however, most of the banks now are pretty standard – although I’ve noticed that every bank’s UI (User Interface) is different. I really don’t understand why banks across the world haven’t worked together to build the ‘perfect’ UI – the ‘Nokia 3210′ of Bank UIs – and put them as standard in every machine in the globe.

然而现在，大部分的银行都相当有标准-虽然我意识到每个银行的UI（使用界面）都不一样。我真的不明白为什么世界性的银行不一起做一个‘完美’的使用界面-‘诺基亚3210’银行使用界面-然后在全球让他们在每个机器标准化。

Not only would it make sense, it would stop certain banks from trying to make their screens look like the ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ quiz machine, like this one:

这样不仅更合理，而且不会让人觉得某些银行的显示看起来好像是‘谁想成为百万富翁’的问答游戏机界面，就像这个：

Unfortunately, the software development didn’t stretch as far as a proof-reader. It doesn’t really inspire a huge amount of trust in the safety of your money…

不幸的是，这个软件发展得没有像校正员那么好。这样真的没能增加对于你的钱的安全性的信任。

…maybe they still have time to phone a friend?

…也许他们还有时间打电话给一个朋友？

Gym merges with estate agent? (健身房和房产经济联合了？)

I often go own a membership to the gym opposite my office, and it’s really nice. Even though it doesn’t have a swimming pool (oh, Terra gym, I miss thee) it’s clean, modern and has loads of running machines with TVs in the dashboard…

我是我们公司对面的健身房的会员，那里很好。虽然没有游泳池（一兆韦德…我想念那个地方），可是很干净，现代而且有很多仪表器上带电视的跑步机…

…but sadly, they couldn’t afford the extra 50rmb for a sign proofreader – unless they are actually moving into property development?

…但是悲哀的是，他们付不起50块让别人教对一下指示牌-除非他们真的想转行发展房地产了？

Innovative Shanghai bank (革新的上海银行)

With the financial crisis beginning to bite in China, some firms have begun to take a revolutionary approach to finance – keeping it real. This bank has renamed itself to try to appeal to westerners who want more honesty in a broker…

由于中国开始受到金融危机的影响,一些公司在面对财政问题时做了一些变革–保持坦诚.这个银行已经重新命名了,为的是试图上诉那些想从股票经济人身上得到更多坦诚的西方人…

Apologies for the picture quality (snapped out of the window of a speeding taxi!)…

抱歉图片的质量不好(在行驶中的出租里拍到的)

PS, dough = 是一个有趣的俚语, 意思是钱, 所以 ‘dough shop’ = (字面意思) ‘钱商店’.

Kangaroowtf? ( 袋鼠？)

This must be the worst sounding australian-themed restaurant in China…

这一定是中国最令人作呕的澳大利亚主题餐厅了…

THHHHHH (「θ」)

One of the hardest parts of learning a new language is trying to mimic sounds that do not exist in your own language. In conversation, I don’t usually mind when students (especially lower level ones) make mistakes in pronunciation….

学习一门语言最困难的一部分是试着模仿那些在你自己的语言里不存在的发音。在对话时，我通常不介意学生（特别是级别低的那些）在发音上犯错…

…but I have to draw the line when it’s written down on the back of a lorry!

…可是当错误被写在卡车背面的时候，我有必要指出一下了！