The best gift you’ll never get

Every time I fly, I wear a suit. I say ‘a suit’, I mean ‘my suit’. I only have one. When I wear this suit I feel like a ‘pwoper businessman’, and I think the feeling of professionalism which I have in my gut is broadcasted on my subconcious radio station and interpreted by the Airport staff, who in turn give me absolutely no trouble.

Until this time.

Oytun: You don’t need to wear the suit! It doesn’t make a difference.
Oli: Really? It would save me space in my suitcase which I could use for bringing back…stuff.
Oytun: Do it.

Well I did it, and ten minutes after arriving at Shanghai’s PVG airport I was inside a small room, my suitcase unpacked and my smalls being investiagted by two annoyed looking Chinese policemen.

I was clearly cursed by my lack of suit, however the contents of the bag didn’t help either:

Green lantern!

The authorities, sadly, were not convinced by the safety of taking two gas powered cigarette box-cum-lighters onto the plane. I pleaded my case, but they refused to budge. I decided to bargain with them, but they decided against it, so in the end I just gave in to all of their demands.

Chinese Customs Guy: GIVE TO YOUR SHANGHAI FRIENDS!
Me: Hao de.

Sadly, I didn’t have any friends at the airport. In my grief at losing these great gifts, made a rash decision: to offer them to the altar of smoking and hope that they found a good home. Here’s hoping.

Sorry guys, no gifts. But it’s the thought that counts, right?! RIGHT?!?!