Jme is funny (Jme很有趣)

BREAKING NEWS

I just received this painful message from a clearly troubled man:

” Jme: appears to be struggling… this morning: a bowl of wheetos…. wasn’t hungry… [christ]
lunch: still not hungry, will be a sandwich…. sure that it will pick up soon… but the belly is weighing me down and frankly the anti diet is about eating what you want, not stuffing face and putting on Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise… thus i contest the fact i’m bailing out, i just [gulp] need to Lose Weight Exercise…”

Please folks, click here to send your messages of support to Jme…He needs us now…

A New Day, Same Old Story…

It is with great sadness that I must pass on the information that Jme nearly buckled under the stress of the anti-diet yesterday, proclaiming that he was….considering….exercising! Disgusting. I just want to let him know that we’re all behind him 100% in this time of need and that he will get through this…

On the flipside of this coin…I’M EATING CHRISTMAS CAKE MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And Cheddars!!!! Wait, wait…I think I’m putting on a couple of….NOTHINGS!!!! You fat girls better recogniseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this washboard stomach is HERE – TO – STAY!!!!!

Munch Updates:
Last night Jme, J and I went out and we went BIG in an effort to really prove ourselves in the munch department. J did the most admirable act thus far in the Anti-Diet – he bought a BOTTOMLESS FROZEN YOGHURT. He didn’t quite empty the machine ‘My teeth are frozen!’ but good effort nonetheless. It’s this sort of attitude that keeps others motivated to continue…

Foodles:

Oli: Today – half a packet of cheddars (THE BIG ONES YOU BASTARDS NOT THOSE FAGGOT MINI BITCH BABIES), a massive chunk (I’m not playing with you) of Christmas cake…Mature cheddar cheese ciabatta and mayo (and salad – they insisted!!!), bag of crisps, other half of packet of Cheddars, Philadelphia sandwich….
Last night: Half a chicken, corn on the cob, chips, about 2 litres of alcomohol flavoured crap (does that qualify as food?), marshmallows, fried egg sweets

Jme: The other half of the chicken, corn on the cob, chips (i’m sure he’ll update with his post-party snackos at home)

J: Leek sausage (if I remember correctly) and mash potato (the cornerstone of the anti-diet (well it’s not actually (but it should be!))). BUCKET of chicken and chips at lunchtime (mad respect). Whatever he ate when he got home (probably a horse)…

Z: Last night had 8 gin and tonics, this morning a bowl of special k and i’m going out to (Editor’s Note – MEDIA) lunch though so will eat a lot!
Media Lunch – i had a smoked salmon gateaux for a starter, and lamb with spinach and roseamary jus for main and lots of wine…

T: Hook me up!

FiFi: Today: okay today, breakfast- nothing. Lunch- dietcoke, subway (roast beef n cheese)
Yesterday: Hmmm…The other half of the marshmallows, vodka, chiken burger (NANDO’s chicken burger not Gayburger from Gayber King) and chips, I have a suspicion she snacked at home but we await confirmation…

Rolling Forecast

With a new recruit today, everyone’s really excited about the challenge that the Anti Diet is offering…but wait…which side of the fat lovin’ fence will FiFi land on? Female – check. Horrible health food – check. Exercise – check. What the fuck am I talking about – OF COURSE SHE’S ON THE GIRLS’ SIDE!!! She tries to be all cool like ‘I eat toffee for breakfast’ but we say FUCK YOU we eat toffee BEFORE BREAKFAST then we eat STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING for breakfast then we eat CUSTARD FLAVOURED TOFFEE WITH TOFFEE SAUCE AND TOFFEE PIECES AND TOFFEE CHUNKS SMOTHERED IN TOFFEE for brunch BBEEEEAAAATTTTCCCCHHHHHHHH wannabe a man I’LL MAKE YOU A MAN NOW PUT YOUR HANDS FLAT AGAINST THE WALL AND TAK…(Editor’s Note – CENSORED)

Updizzles

Oli: Today’s been terrible so far for me! Just Hob Nobs! So healthy!!! Oh yeah and 2 philadelphia (hi fat not low) sandwiches and a bag of (not low fat) ready salted (perhaps extra salted) crisps. Lunchtime soon!!!

Jme: brekkie: crunchy nut, banana…. [cripes]
lunch: foccaccia with chiken escalope, pesto, basil, mozzarella [yikes!]
Jme’s note: i fear for my status as a member of Team Anti Diet… will attempt to rectify (Editor’s Note – Eat it like Missy!!!!)

J: Thursday report: blue berry muffin, chocolate croissant, chicken gravy and chips, twix, snickers, baguette and (I’m sorry) two mandarins.

Z: Bowl of special k and now a leek and potato soup. ***Special Mention*** Turned down a media lunch today – she is ON A MISSION!!! I had a banana and a green tea this afternoon…

T: breakfast – handful of party mix, chocolate biscuit – good start… lunch – ndwiches – same as yesterday but on brown bread not bagel (Editor’s Note – who remembers what T had for lunch yesterday? NOBODY.) and mini box of raisins…and dinner – will be sainsburys be good to yourself low fat vegetable chilli and rice (Editor’s Note – Sainsbury’s ‘Be Good To Yourself’ range tastes like crap).

FiFi (new recuit!)
Today: breakfast: sainsbury low fat berry conflakes (gross)
lunch: ham and mustard mayo sandwitch, nutri-grain bar, diet coke
tonight’s forecast: COCKTAILS only and no dinner
oh and my daily 1L coffee

Yesterday: breakfast – toffee candies, coffee, coffee, coffee
lunch: egg mayo sandwich, diet coke and LARGE coffee
dinner: rice crackers… er.. then 250g of marshmellows, diet coke

Jme’s Intro Part 2 – The Plot Thickens…

Unedited
We was a thinking that we should measure our progress with tape measures on certain body parts, but then 22 years worth of scrawny nature [with the exception of J the tank] will tell you that there is no need to check. We know we’ll be the same size in all departments, yes boz, that too, ‘yawn’….. however we will weigh ourselves weekly to show any changes… This way the girls too can join in without letting anyone know their Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise … **For those not in the know, a megaton in starship combat will do 510 million damage, something i think we’ll all agree is massive…this comment and relevance of the megaton is not about anyone or anything in particular and nobody should take offence (Boz)**…..

People say that the body with which you are born affects one’s ability to shift that bulk, but people also say that Pirandello actually wrote something worthwhile once so don’t listen to people cos they’re all, without doubt, morons… Thus we have established a level playing field…. 1,2,3 eat!!

Jme’s Intro…Feel his wrath

(Unedited)
Having seen the perils of the woman and her eternal nemesis, the pudding, the breakfast, the lunch, and pretty much anything that she can eat we too have joined the ranks of those on a diet. However, kind as we are, this be the Anti-Diet whereby we, Oli, Jme and J, will strive to counter act all the goodness that them there women put into their bodies… we will eat whatever we like, do next to no Lose Weight Exercise and every week put on exactly O pounds/kilos/ounces/yadda… Thus we will prove once and for all that if you want to Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise you can forget tables, points and other such bunkum and get yo’ asses down the gym, stop drinking alcohol, eating sugar and snacking… a non gluten low carb vitamen e high blah di snar diet will not do anything for you…. it’s all nonsense

So, without further ado, where’s that lurpak…

The Next Level

Oli: 2 hob nobs, 3 philadelphia sandwiches, 1 bag salt and vinegar crisps

Jme: Toast x 2, banana crunchy nut cornflakes (large bowl), bacon sandwich, Chicken sundried ciabatta, danish

Z: bowl of special k for brekkie, then a jacket potato with tuna and salad for lunch

T: breakfast – fat free strawberry yoghurt (Editor’s Note – shudder x 2), lunch – bagel with humous, ham and cherry tomato (sounds gross actually was great, made it myself) (Editor’s Note – Yes, it does sound gross), dinner (will be) – sainsburys be good to yourself low fat pasta with ham and mushroom microwave meal (Editor’s Note – Horror.)

I just had another hob nob when I was writing that and I could feel it not going straight to my thighs and bum…

Updatesville*Updated

WELLLLLL here’s some updates…I have the promise of a new member to our motley crew of (non) slimmers (I think she’ll be on the healthy side, not sure though…)

SOO last night:

Oli: Box of raisins, Philadelphia sandwich x 2, cheese and onion crisps (high fat), assorted toffees (yumm)

JME: crisps, banana, yoghurt, toasted cheese sandwich, roast chiken, mash peas broccoli, then cereal, a brunch bar and some chocolate…

J: Breakfast: Muffin and a (Editor’s Note – big) pretzel. Lunch: fatty bacon and brie sandwich, bag of crisps. Dinner: huge plate of pasta with cheap ass sauce and a full packet of Jaffa cakes…(Editor’s Note – Additional info: he went straight to bed right after dinner, so no time to burn any calories – true grit and dedication to the cause…)

Z: She’s still asleep

T: breakfast – handful of pretzels (Editor’s Note – obviously there’s a weird pretzel phenomenon sweeping the world…), lunch – bowl of vegetable soup, afternoon – chocolate muffin, dinner – sainsbury be good to yourself low fat pasta with salmon and vegetables (microwave meal), later – 3 cubes chocolate

I think we can see that, due to our girls’ attempt at goodness, they obviously both feel as guilty as hell because they both BROKE from the strain and gobbled some chocolate. This just means that JME, J and myself will need to gobble ten times as much to compensate…

More updates and fun later…and pictures of fat people and thin people to give us MoTiVaTiOn!!!